Photo by Linda SamuelsYears ago I heard Dan Thurmon speak at a NAPO conference. He is a dynamic, entertaining speaker and author that juggles, flips, and rides unicycles while delivering his keynote. His book, Off Balance on Purpose, challenges the unrealistic goal that life should be balanced.

Much of my writing focuses on finding a balance that’s right for you. The idea of feeling balanced 100% of the time is unattainable. It’s not even desirable.  The search for balance is a constant negotiation between a state of unrest or chaos and that feeling of calm or flow. It’s essential to experience both calm and chaos. They each serve a purpose.

Without some tumult, we become complacent and too content. We stop searching for solutions or growth possibilities. I’m certainly an advocate for knowing how to just be, but that’s within the context of long-term growth.

With abundant chaos, we become so stressed and ineffectual that we can easily ignore our basic needs for self-care. If life becomes a constant state of activity with no time to restore, think, or just be, we lose our focus and energy.

So how does one find that right balance? The balance I’m referring to is really your particular mix of tumult and calm that fits your life, goals and needs at any given point in time. Thinking back to raising our family, life was far more hectic than it is now. The stretches of feeling like things were “out of whack,” were much longer than the calmer parts. Now being an empty nester, while life is still full, the periods of calm are longer. The mix has changed.

Balance between these extremes is not a done deal. It’s really a matter of what we choose to focus on at any given point. In this photo of the forest, the foreground is sharp and clearly delineated, while the background is foggy and hard to see. This mirrors our lives. The shift between chaos and calm comes from what we give our attention to. As our needs change, so does our focus. Pay attention to the clues, which will help you identity when it might be time for re-balancing.

When do you know it’s time to shift your balance? What are your clues?

Lately I’ve noticed an abundance of tweets and blogs about ways to reduce stress during the holiday season. What is it about this time of year that can make us feel frazzled and overwhelmed? Don’t we love this season? It’s punctuated with catchy holiday music playing everywhere, colorful decorations and lights, wonderful aromas like pine and clove, and the anticipation of going to fun parties, and enjoying special celebrations with our family and friends.

Yet even with all these positive things, this season can also bring on the stress… big time. Here are my best 5 tips for sprinkling your holidays with some happy.

1. Be a “Joy” Detective – We find what we seek. Shift your focus to the parts of this season that you enjoy like singing holiday songs at the top of your lungs, wrapping presents with glittery ribbons, having time with family, or dressing-up in your sparkliest of clothes. Be on the lookout for joy-inducing opportunities. Then stop long enough to appreciate your discoveries.

2. Simplify Gift Giving – Buying and receiving gifts can be stressful. Make this season happier and more meaningful by giving clutter-less gifts. Give experiences instead of things like tickets to a play, day trip at a nearby town, or dinner and a movie.  Not only will the recipient appreciate that they won’t have to make room in their home for your gift (hence clutter-less), but your shared time together will create stronger, happier relationships.

3. Practice Good Self-Care – If we ignore our basic needs like getting enough sleep, eating properly, drinking enough water, and exercising, it makes it more challenging to embrace all the happy opportunities. When we disregard our needs, we get cranky. During this season when excess can take over (less sleep, over-eating or too much alcohol), it’s easy to overlook the importance of self-care. To experience a happier season, don’t forget to be good to you.

4. Revisit Traditions  – Traditions can bring us great joy. There are many reasons why they get modified or disappear completely. Kids grow up, family members pass away, or friends move.  To harness the happy, acknowledge what was and consider refining or creating new traditions if needed. During the holidays, our family used to gather in the Catskills for a giant sleepover at my in-laws. They have both passed away and the rest of the family has moved. To keep the connection, we’re looking at ways to create new traditions. If your traditions are still in place, pay attention to the happiness that accompanies them.

5. Balance the Extremes – It’s hard to think about any kind of balance during this season of extremes with its late nights, excess eating, more visitors than usual, suspended routines, and crazy travel adventures. Many things seem to take a “vacation” or hiatus during this time. If the scale has tipped a bit too far and you’re feeling completely out of kilter, add a few things back in to restore the balance. It might be as simple as taking some deep breaths, locking yourself in a room for ten minutes, or going out for a quick walk. Recognize that the holidays aren’t like every day. Don’t be surprised. Instead, bring back the happy through shifting the balance back closer to center.

I’d love to hear from you. What is your favorite tip for bringing the happy to the holiday season? If you’ve written a post about it, please share it with us and include a link with your comments.

For over 25 years, I’ve been coming to the rock by the river. My favorite way to go there is to walk down our street to the path through the woods, which leads me to the water. I went on this journey today.

I go there for solitude and sharing, for reflecting and conversing, for writing and wishing or for just being. It’s a place of strength, continuity, change and calm. The shifting seasons highlight its beauty in different ways. On this crisp, fall day everything looked and smelled so clear and fresh.

The rocks, which jut out from the sandy bank provide a foundation that allows me to climb, stand or sit. Like our lives, without a sturdy base, things get wobbly. The rocks are there to support me as needed. I climbed out to the furthest rock, which was in the middle of the river. I sat and quieted myself as I took in the sounds, scents and view.

The river flowed by. It twisted and turned swiftly in places and appeared less active in others. The movement was constant like the continuous change we experience in our lives. The water had an energy and urgency about it as if something was going to happen. It made me feel hopeful about life’s possibilities.

That excitement was accompanied by the sound of the water flowing downstream. The river has many noises and beats as its currents swirl and bubble. The diverse tones joined together creating a unified backdrop that was calming and familiar.

This rock by the river is an emotional place. Dreams were dreamed here. Loved ones were loved here. Tears were cried here. Laughter was had here. Balance was found here.

The river flowed. The sun shone brightly. The air shared its breeze. I breathed deeply. This special place has once again allowed me the gift of just being, feeling this moment of balance and gratitude for my rock by the river.

What does balance look like or feel like to you?

We all experience days that we just love. Today is one of those for me. It’s a Sunday. Life seems quieter, sleepier and more peaceful than usual. The family is around and without any special plans on the agenda other than relaxing and allowing the day to unfold.

This calm was accompanied by the anticipation of the first big snowfall of the winter and the new year that is rapidly approaching. Today’s peaceful feeling was a welcome contrast to this time of year, which is often focused on the angst of change and transition. We make time to let go and unclutter ourselves from stuff, negativity and busy schedules. We evaluate, plan and decide what we want for coming year. There are endings and new beginnings, which can elevate our stress levels.

I find myself sandwiched between these two diverse states of calm and anticipation. I feel happy simply enjoying the here and now, yet excited thinking about the snow and goals for the coming year. I am looking forward to the future while still being grateful for the present.

Around noon, the flurries began ever so slightly. My thoughts became filled with being snowed in and cozy with my family. I imagined cooking together, sipping hot chocolate with marshmallows and just hanging out. My list of plans for 2011 seemed far less important.

There will be plenty of time for planning. There will be plenty of time to prioritize my goals. For this moment in time, I am grateful for the blanket of snow, the family being together, the homemade soup we just shared and the hot chocolate with marshmallows that will soon be enjoyed.

What are you enjoying right now? What are you looking forward to for the coming year?