Denslow Brown

Denslow Brown, Organizer & CoachInspiring conversations continue with the “Ask the Expert” feature on The Other Side of Organized blog. We’ve spoken about possibilities with DeeAnne White, success with Lori Deschene, enlisting help with Janet Barclay, motivation with Dr. Shannon Reece, time management with Julie Morgenstern, clutter with Lorie Marrero, letting go with Geralin Thomas, next steps with Yota Schneider, and change with John Ryan. As we shift our focus this month, I’m thrilled to bring you the fabulous coach, organizer, speaker, and trainer, Denslow Brown to share her wisdom about creating a life that fits.

Denslow and I met almost 20 years ago through our professional organizing associations, NAPO and ICD. She is an industry leader and teacher who I greatly admire for her wisdom, unique perspectives, and ability to clearly communicate. I am honored to have her as my mentor and friend. My deepest thanks and gratitude goes to her for taking the time to join us. Before we begin, here’s more about Denslow.

Denslow Brown, CPO, CPO-CD, SCAC, MCC is the only person in the organizing and coaching professions with the highest credentials in both fields, attesting to her decades of experience, training, leadership, and pioneering efforts in these areas. She has also developed a specialty working with individuals with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder, also known as AD/HD, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.) In addition to working with those who want organizing and life-design support, she mentors and trains many organizing and coaching professionals. She has been an organizer since 1974. Denslow is the founder and Director of Training of the Coach Approach for OrganizersTM. You can connect with Denslow on Facebook, Linkedin, or training and coaching websites.

Linda:  You’re an expert on helping others create a life that fits. What are some of the essential ingredients to incorporate into the mix?

Denslow:  Self-knowledge is the key to creating a life that fits.  You can’t know what your own incredible life could look like if you don’t know your strengths, values, needs, roles, passions, goals and preferences – as well as specific challenges (health issues, modality sensitivities, etc.)

Linda:  It’s likely that we’ll make mistakes as we design a life that fits. What is the value in those challenges?

Denslow:  Mistakes will be made on our way to a life that fits – it’s inevitable.  It helps, of course, to use those mistakes as learning opportunities.  Say, for example, you make a choice to enter a profession or take a certain job only to discover that it’s a terrible fit.  Think back to your initial thinking and assumptions.  What do you understand now that you didn’t before?  Was the choice of what kind of work to go into wrong or was the specific situation you found yourself in wrong in its own unique ways? In retrospect, could you have defined or shaped your company, job or industry differently (to suit you)?  Were you somehow naïve in your assumptions going in?  What have you learned about yourself?  Our mistakes offer us rich data for the all-important self-knowledge picture if we’re willing to deconstruct them.

Linda:  What becomes possible when we focus on our strengths, needs and values?

Denslow:  Focusing on strengths allows you to contribute the best of yourself.  You simply feel better about who you are in the world when you operate out of your strengths.  You’re more likely to feel that your day went well.  You also are in a better position to be appreciated and compensated when you offer your strengths (your best) to a workplace, group or family (generally speaking).

Focusing on and meeting your needs (what you need in terms of basic survival and well-being) offers the emotional freedom that comes from a sense of security.  Ignoring your own needs is draining and upsetting which undermines health and healthy relationships. 

Focusing on your values (what you need to feel fulfilled) enriches life and gives it meaning.  When we live our values we feel we are who we were meant to be.  The person who values family spends time with family.  The person who values beauty makes art, works in the garden or decorates her home.

Linda:  Sometimes we lack clarity.  How do we identify what is most important?

Denslow:  Making time to develop broad self-knowledge is important.  Any really wonderful or challenging experience is worth reflection.  Talk it over with a friend, write or mind-map about it, or mull it over when walking or driving (safely, please). What does that experience tell you about who you are, what your strengths are and what you value and/or need?

Linda:  What has been your biggest personal challenge around creating a life that brought out the best of who you are?

Denslow:  My biggest challenge was learning to accommodate my late-diagnosed inattentive ADD which came to the forefront when I was in my late 30’s when I entered that long pre-menopausal period when hormone (specifically estrogen) support is less consistent for women.  Until then, my intelligence, cheerful nature, organizing skills and willingness to make some unconventional choices meant that my ADD symptoms weren’t as problematic or noticeable as they could have been.  For example, I was self-employed and a renter – and I’d chosen not to have children -- so my life seemed pretty manageable. 

But with a new home (which I designed and helped build over 6 years) and the lack of consistent hormone support, my ADD symptoms became really problematic.  I needed to identify my real priorities (values, needs), take better care of myself (sleep, yoga, scheduling), and then identify and hold my boundaries. 

These were big shifts and they happened over time.  To create my life that fits I needed to learn about ADD.  The support of an ADD coach was really important in helping me understand how ADD shows up in my life specifically.  There was a lot of humorous but negative self-talk which I had been pretty unaware of.  I learned to replace it with more positive and accurate statements.  I had no idea how those muttered comments could undermine my days. I also needed to learn to leverage my strengths more.  Like many others, I didn’t see all of my strengths, as they seemed natural to me.  That leveraging of strengths was huge.

Ten years later I again worked with a coach to redesign my organizing and coaching business.  This time we really looked at the whole picture: strengths, values, needs, roles, passions, goals and preferences, as well as limits and boundaries.  Through a process of elimination and experimentation I determined that teaching coaching skills to organizers was the next stage of life work for me.  I love to teach and I love organizers and the work they do in the world.  I passionately believe training in coaching and ADD are critical to the organizing industry, which I’ve long been devoted to.  I’m still self-employed so I have a lot of say about my “working conditions.” I have considerable administrative assistance.  I work with training partners, which helps my focus and provides back up.  All these choices are ADD supportive.  And because I train by phone I can live in the beautiful countryside with lots of land, privacy, animals and community. 

Recently my life partner had a terrible illness.  I wondered, as her unconscious body worked through the decision to live or die, whether we or I would want to stay in our home and life – and if I would want to continue my work.  Now that we are a year into her recovery, I am excited to realize that the life we’d created for ourselves and the work life I’d created for myself, still excited us.  The only change was a much deeper gratitude for a life that fits!

Thank you, Denslow for sharing both your life philosophy and personal journey with us. Your ideas and life are a testament to the fact that by searching for self-knowledge, enlisting the right kind of support, focusing on one’s strengths, passions, values, and needs, you truly can flourish and design a life that fits. I invite all of you to join Denslow and me as we continue the conversation. Which ideas resonate with you? 

DeeAnne White, Live the Charmed LifeThis year we’ve enjoyed engaging conversations with the “Ask the Expert” feature on The Other Side of Organized blog. We’ve spoken about success with Lori Deschene, enlisting help with Janet Barclay, motivation with Dr. Shannon Reece, time management with Julie Morgenstern, clutter with Lorie Marrero, letting go with Geralin Thomas, next steps with Yota Schneider, and change with John Ryan. As we shift our focus this month, I’m happy to bring you author, speaker and zestful life seeker, DeeAnne White to share her wisdom about possibilities.

Several years ago, I came across DeeAnne and her wonderful post, “The Elegance of Slow.” She wrote that, “Slow is much more elegant than fast. It’s all in the pure luxury of taking the time.” I’ve been a fan ever since as she reminds us to appreciate life, take chances, and slow down. My deepest gratitude and thanks goes to her for taking the time to join us. Before we begin, here’s more about DeeAnne.

DeeAnne White is a former Fortune50 Executive Vice President, author, speaker, American expatriate and lover of cricket, golf, wine, Jimmy Choo and life, in pursuit of a life beautifully lived. Born in Dallas, she’s been everything from a young wife and stay at home parent, to a single mother beginning her career in Orange County, California, to one of the few women to reach the top tier of the investment distribution industry. DeeAnne began LiveTheCharmedLife and describes herself as “ridiculously curious and who’s never once thought that anything was impossible.” Her book LiveCharmed-The Elegant Guide to Lifestyle Design is due out later this year. You can connect with DeeAnne on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, blog or website.

Linda:  You’re an expert on pursuing a life well and beautifully lived. How can we stay open to possibilities?

DeeAnne:  A few of the best ways to stay open to possibilities are, first, to remember that every day is a new chance to create a life as we’d like it to be, and, second, to allow ourselves to daydream about what that life would look like. Many people believe that once we’ve started on a certain path we must stay on it, and nothing could be further from the truth. We have an endless supply of do-overs, if you will, and only our dreams limit us.

Linda:  The possibilities can seem endless and overwhelming. What strategies help us make choices?

DeeAnne:  It helps if we can remember that not only can we change direction, if we don’t like a choice we’ve made, but to know that we definitely WILL change direction at some point, simply because of changes in our circumstances, age, etc. So the only truly important thing is just getting started somewhere, and then change course, as necessary.

Linda:  Fear can prevent us from pursuing possibilities. What suggestions do you have for letting go and moving forward?

DeeAnne:  There’s a saying in the investment business that people are either motivated by fear or greed, but I’ve come to believe that it’s true in every area of our lives. There will always be those that will be fearless about going after more in life, and there will always be those that are fearful of losing what they have. It’s a great help to accept and embrace who we are, and then to guide ourselves with gentle questions like “What’s the worst that could happen?” Once we’ve answered that, then all we need to do is decide whether we could live with the worst-case scenario. I find the answer is almost always yes. Begin using this technique with something that’s just outside your comfort zone to start building your possibility muscles for larger decisions.

Linda:  How are possibilities and growth connected?

DeeAnne:  We simply cannot grow, if we aren’t able to open ourselves to possibilities, and the changes required to go after those possibilities. I know that it can be very scary, but it’s like a sailor wanting to keep his lovely new sailboat in the safety of a harbor...he or she will never know the thrill of the sea without taking the risks that come along with it.

Linda:  What has been your biggest personal challenge around embracing possibilities?

DeeAnne:  My biggest personal challenge has always been that I love security, and the idea of leaving one thing for another has left me terrified, at times. Even some of the most wonderful promotions that I was offered left me with a sense of fear that I had to find ways to overcome. So you see, all of the answers I’ve given to you are strategies I’ve used myself.

Linda:  Is there anything you’d like to share about possibilities that I haven’t asked?

DeeAnne:  Only that there is a big, wide, beautiful world out there, and I’d encourage anyone not to miss a single second of it!

Thank you, DeeAnne for your hope-filled insights about possibilities and life choices. I love your ideas that we have an “endless supply of do-overs,” and that while change can be scary, growth will not occur unless we are open to possibilities. By extending ourselves beyond our comfort zone, we learn to strenghthen our "possibility muscles." I invite all of you to join DeeAnne and me as we continue the conversation. When you put on your possibilities cap, what do you envision?

Lori Deschene, Tiny BuddhaThe time has arrived for another engaging conversation with the popular “Ask the Expert” feature on The Other Side of Organized blog. We’ve enjoyed spirited dialogues about enlisting help with Janet Barclay, motivation with Dr. Shannon Reece, time management with Julie Morgenstern, clutter with Lorie Marrero, letting go with Geralin Thomas, next steps with Yota Schneider, and change with John Ryan. This month as we shift our focus, I’m excited to bring you writer, student of life and community builder, Lori Deschene to share her wisdom about success.

Lori appeared on my radar through Twitter a few years ago. Her uplifting and honest @tinybuddha tweets and posts that focus on “simple wisdom for complex lives” seemed to always appear at precisely the right time. I quickly became one of her fans along with her 300,000+ twitter followers. Talk about success! My sincere gratitude and thanks goes to Lori for taking the time to join us. Before we begin, here’s more about Lori.

Lori Deschene is the founder of tinybuddha.com, a community blog that features stories and insights from people from all over the globe. She recently published her first print book (through Conari Press), titled Tiny Buddha: Simple Wisdom for Life’s Hard Questions. A native of Massachusetts and an Emerson College graduate, Lori currently lives with her boyfriend in Los Angeles. You can connect with her on Twitter, Facebook, website, or blog. 

Linda:  You’re an expert on redefining life success by reflecting on simple wisdom and considering new ways to apply it. What are some of the ways to do this?

Lori:  I actually wouldn’t refer to myself as an expert on redefining life success—but what a wonderful compliment! I write about my experiences and lessons, and publish stories and insights from other people. We all help and support each other by sharing what we’ve learned.

To answer your question, I’d have to first define “life success,” which is different for everyone.  If you’re looking to create your own definition of “life success,” I’d suggest identifying your top five core values, and measuring them against your current choices.

For example, my core values are: family, adventure, freedom, creativity, and meaningful work. Knowing this has helped me build a career and shape a lifestyle that honors the things that matter to me the most.

Linda:  What does success look like?

Lori:  Expanding on what I wrote above, success, for me, involves doing work that feels meaningful, creating in a way that feels personally satisfying, allowing myself enough time to explore and simply be, and seeing my family as often as possible.

I can’t answer this one for anyone else, and I think that’s the key to success: knowing we all define it for ourselves!

Linda:  How does our “fast-paced, always-on world” enhance or derail our success?

Lori:  This depends on what we want, and how we respond to the world around us. Some people require less downtime and enjoy leading fast-paced, constantly connected lives. So long as they’re not compromising their other priorities or their physical or emotional well being, there’s nothing wrong with that. Others spread themselves a little too thin, thinking they “should” do it, and fearing what they’ll lose if they don’t. Others still, like myself, require a greater sense of balance. For me, getting caught up in a busy lifestyle while pursuing success, as defined by other people, would lead to a sense of unhappiness.

I’ve learned that there are very few one-size-fits-all answers. We all need to come to know ourselves and learn to temper our pace accordingly. And we all need to find stillness within so that, no matter the pace we maintain, we don’t lose sight of what we need.

Linda:  Do you have a philosophy about success?

Lori:  At the risk of being redundant, my philosophy is that we each need to define it for ourselves!

Linda:  What has been your biggest personal challenge with navigating success?

Lori:  My biggest personal challenge has been determining what success means to me. For a long time, I had no idea what I wanted, largely because I didn’t know myself—or like myself, for that matter.

Growing up, I always thought I’d pursue acting after studying it (and writing) in college. I gravitated toward theater not simply because I loved it, although I did. A big part of me needed the validation of an audience, and wondered if maybe I’d feel less empty if I acquired fame, wealth, and mass admiration. It took me a long time to consider that maybe I could be happier if I stopped pursuing public approval and chasing wealth.

Now I focus on enjoying my time and honoring the people and things that matter to me. I still have my struggles, particularly when it comes to setting goals for the future. I haven’t been 100 percent sure of what I want to do next. But I know I feel less attached to specifics down the line.

I like the life I created, and I like myself within it.

Linda:  Is there anything you’d like to share about success that I haven’t asked?

Lori:  You asked some thought-provoking questions! I have nothing left to add. Thank you for featuring me here on your wonderful site!

You’re welcome, Lori. Thank you for your thoughtful insights about success and life choices. I love how you describe that we need to define success by our own terms. To do that, first identify your core values and then look at them in relation to your current choices. What a great place to begin. I invite all of you to join Lori and me as we continue the conversation. What are your thoughts about success? 

Janet Barclay, Organized AssistantAre you ready for another dynamic conversation with our popular “Ask the Expert” feature on The Other Side of Organized blog?  This year, we’ve enjoyed inspirational dialogues about motivation with Dr. Shannon Reece, time management with Julie Morgenstern, clutter with Lorie Marrero, letting go with Geralin Thomas, next steps with Yota Schneider, and change with John Ryan. This month as we shift our focus, I’m thrilled to bring you virtual assistant and helper extraordinaire, Janet Barclay to share her wisdom about enlisting help.

Janet and I met through our social media channels about two years ago. Some of her friends knew some of my friends and our connection was born. Janet is a wonderful, generous promoter and people connector, hosting a monthly blog where she invites organizers to share their best posts on specific topics. My deepest gratitude and thanks goes to her for all that she does and for taking the time to join us. Before we begin, here’s more about Janet.

Janet Barclay was a professional organizer from 2002 to 2008, during which time she developed a passion for creating websites and newsletters and began providing these services to her organizing colleagues. When she realized her true calling was in the area of web design and virtual assistance, she stopped offering organizing services and now specializes in blog design and support for professional organizers. She manages and writes for several blogs, including Your Organizing Business, where she shares tips for new and experienced organizers and hosts the monthly Professional Organizers Blog Carnival. When she’s not at her computer, she enjoys reading, watching movies, and healthy cooking. You can connect with Janet on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, website, or blog.

Linda:  As a professional organizer turned virtual assistant you’re an expert on encouraging others to enlist help. What are some of the benefits your clients experience from outsourcing tasks and projects?

Janet:  Many clients have me proofread their website content, blog posts or newsletter articles. Even good writers make occasional spelling or grammar mistakes, and making sure these are cleaned up before the text is published ensures that they put forward a professional image and makes a better first impression to prospective clients, media representatives, and anyone else.

Some of my clients don’t have the technical skills required to build and maintain a website or blog, so by delegating that work to me, they don’t have to devote time and energy to learning how to do it themselves. Even those who are tech savvy benefit, because they have more time for serving their own clients, and can therefore earn a higher income and achieve greater satisfaction with their work.

Linda:  If someone is unsure about getting help, what do you suggest?

Janet:  Consider what will have the biggest impact on your time and stress management if you were to remove it from your own to-do list: it may be tasks that you dislike, those for which you lack skills, or those that will be least expensive for you to pay someone else to do.

It’s often less stressful to start with a small standalone project than to hand over responsibility for an entire part of your business all at once. That will get you used to relinquishing control, give you a taste of the benefits of outsourcing, and find out whether you and the service provider are a good match.

I realize that for a lot of business owners, outsourcing work for the first time can be as scary as a parent leaving a child with a sitter for the first time, but delegation is as vital to the growth of a business as time away from the parent is to a child’s development. I know how liberated I felt after deciding to outsource my bookkeeping, and many of my clients have expressed similar feelings.

Linda:  Finding the right fit when searching for help can be challenging. Do you have any tips?

Janet:  When you’re talking to different virtual assistants or other service providers, ask questions about your specific needs, such as "What experience do you have working with [a particular software program, online service, or industry]?" In many cases, it’s worth paying a higher rate for someone with expertise in a particular area, who can also offer suggestions to market and grow your business that you may not have thought of.

Even more important than cost is compatibility between you and the person you choose to work with. It's important to discuss expectations up front – both yours and theirs – including how work assignments will be handled, turnaround time, and communication during the assignment. If you're going to need same-day turnaround, or if you want to be able to contact your VA by phone or Skype without scheduling something in advance, make sure he or she will be able to accommodate that.

Linda:  What has been your biggest personal challenge around seeking help?

Janet:  I haven’t always been diligent about documenting procedures and carry a lot of information in my head. That makes it difficult to delegate certain tasks, because if I’m too busy to do them, it’s just as hard to make time to explain to someone else what has to be done or to write out steps for them to follow.

Linda:  Is there anything you’d like to share about enlisting help that I haven’t asked?

Janet:  Life is to be enjoyed, so if a particular task is draining you of energy, whether physically, emotionally or mentally, why are you doing it? There is someone out there who is probably better at it than you, and who even enjoys it, so do yourself a favor and let them take it off your plate!   

Thank you, Janet for your wonderful honesty, insights, and strategies about enlisting help. Your advice that “life is to be enjoyed” resonates with me. If we can delegate to free us up to do what we do best, and delight more in the time we have, why not relinquish control?  I invite all of you to join Janet and me as we continue the conversation. What are your enlisting help successes or challenges?