It’s that wonderful time of year again. The season of entertaining, party-going, gatherings, lights, and sparkles has arrived. Thanksgiving is coming, and my husband and I are preparing to host 25 loved ones for the big feast. However, festivities can also bring us humans extra stress and unrealistic expectations.

As someone who has hosted over 100 gatherings over the past 35+ years, I’ve learned a few things that can help you shift your perspective so you’ll feel more love, gratitude, and stress. Are you ready to garner more happiness in your holidays? Keep reading.

three essential elements to entertaining: people, environment, and plan

People

All parties start with the guests. As you decide who will be on your invite list for your next event, think of each person and what you love about them. Imagine how much you will enjoy talking with them, having them over, and seeing them connect with others.

• Will you include immediate and extended family?

• Will you only invite friends?

• Will you make it a combination event of family and friends?

  Choose how many people you are comfortable entertaining. We love small gatherings with just a few friends or family as much as larger parties with more people. 

Once you finalize your guest list, create your invitation. It can be a casual email or text, a phone call, an electronic evite, or a more formal snail-mail paper invite. Be sure to include the four W’s- who, what, where, and when. Make it simple.  

Then, track your RSVPs so you know how many people to expect.  It's relatively common that a few people won't respond to your invite, so you may need to follow up with them.
 

ENVIRONMENT

Every gathering has a setting. What feel do you want to have? Providing places for people to sit, stand, and mingle are the basics. Think about flow. You can decorate or not. I love having fresh flowers, but it’s not necessary. I clean up a bit, but I don’t go crazy. Most guests don’t care about that. It’s more about the environment you want to create and providing some beverages and food.

Think about if you want a casual potluck type event or a more formal sit down where you are providing all or most of the food. If you don’t like to cook, you can either ask people to bring dishes or buy premade food. You can have a gathering with just desserts and coffee, or appetizers and drinks. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. Unless you adore cooking, the simpler you make the menu, the less stress and more fun you’ll have. 

My husband and I are a good tag team. We like to cook for the events, but that’s not for everyone. So honor what you enjoy and do that.

While you are preparing the food, setting the table, or cleaning, focus on what you are doing and who you are doing it for. Practice mindfulness. Experience joy in the process of getting ready to welcome the special people into your home. One of my favorite quotes and beautiful reminders from Anna Quindlen is . . .

“I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.”

— Anna Quindlen

Quindlen’s quote resonates with me. It’s something I’ve learned to do over the years. As an organizer, I tended to focus on getting things done. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. However, when I combine that with appreciating the doing, life is infinitely more enjoyable and less stressful.

PLAN

For some, preparation is the aspect of entertaining that can be the most stressful. You’re anticipating all of the details and action items for the party, which can feel overwhelming. It’s ironic, too, because it is the planning that can reduce a lot of the overall stress. Knowing what you need to do and when you are blocking out the time to do it is useful.

One strategy that works well for me is to work my lists. I save Word documents electronically to easily update them from year to year. I don’t have to reinvent the wheel every time. For example, with Thanksgiving, I have three lists:

• Overall List: Includes guests, items people are bringing, the meal order, and overall to-dos.

• Day-By-Day Task List: Details what to do each day leading up to the event.

• Shopping List: Organized by date and shopping venue. I invest 30-45 minutes in organizing and updating the files. Once I plan, my mind can relax and focus on the doing. Contact me if you want a copy of these lists, and I’ll gladly share them.

Another strategy is key. I mentioned that my husband and I are a good party-throwing tag team. Early in the planning process, we sit down together to coordinate our lists- as in who is doing what. We still talk about it even though we tend to do the same tasks each time (like he sets up the tables and chairs, and I decorate and set the tables). Since we both cook, we also coordinate who needs the kitchen and when. We help each other.

And it’s in helping one another that there is the opportunity for more love. Instead of letting the stress of doing get in the way, it’s a chance to support each other. We also love to reflect on previous gatherings we’ve enjoyed doing together, the funny mishaps, and the joy we feel from opening up our home to our loved ones.

There can be those moments of “oh-no!” like when one year our turkey caught on fire and the fire department came, or another year when the EMS and police arrived because one of my family members passed out.

Things will happen. Expect the unexpected. But always keep in mind why you’re having people over. It’s a time for connecting, gathering, and sharing time with your loved ones. Life is made up of moments, and the moments shared with the special people in your life are a gift.

So, as you plan, prepare, and gather this season, open your heart as you open your home. Forget about perfection. Find humor in the stressful moments. Enjoy the love, the unexpected, and the positive energy that friends and family will bring into your home.

What helps you focus on more love and less stress during the holiday season? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Join the conversation!

One commonality we share as humans is that we all have habits- good and not-so-good ones. I’ll be the first to raise my hand for some questionable ones, as I just gobbled down a “snack,” which involved candy. However, sugar cravings aside, I also have many life-enhancing habits like brushing my teeth, staying organized (yes, I consider that a habit), and practicing mindfulness meditation.

Mostly I prefer guided meditation. The Insight Timer app is excellent and offers a wide range of options and teachers. One of my favorite guides is Tomek Wyczesany. In one of my recent practices, he said, “You are the active ingredient in your day.”

That concept stayed with me. How often do we think about life happening to us? For instance, you wake up, and it’s a gray, cold day. Those aren’t my favorite types of days, and they can negatively affect my mood. Yet, choosing the “I am the active ingredient” mindset, I can alter the entire feeling for the day. I don’t have to allow the weather to determine my state of being. 

“You are the active ingredient in your day.”

— Tomek Wyczesany

Much of the work I do with clients is about change. It’s not just changing, but shifts in energy and outlook. My clients get stuck. They feel overwhelmed by a room that turned into the dumping ground for stuff without a home. They feel overwhelmed by stacks and boxes of papers that have been overlooked for months or years. They feel overwhelmed by closets that are so full they have difficulty getting dressed. 

When we work together, I help them to recognize that the secret ingredient for moving forward is staring at them in the mirror. Together we make choices about their physical belongings and space. This gets them unstuck. They recognize the power of activation as we work together to edit, clear, let go, and organize the keepers.

What an amazing concept to own- that you (yes you) are the “active ingredient in your day!”  How can that idea help you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation!

My heart is filled with gratitude as I reflect on several significant milestones that happen this month. I will be entering my sixth decade of this beautiful thing we call life. Yes. I’m turning 60 next week! November also marks my 10th blogging anniversary or bloggiversary.

Ten years ago, I had just turned 50 and published my first book, The Other Side of Organized – Finding Balance Between Chaos and Perfection. My book coach suggested that I start blogging as a way of engaging a broader audience. I had no idea how much I would love writing regularly, or how many thousands of amazing readers, inspirational conversations, opportunities, and supporters would appear and enrich my life. With close to 500 posts written so far, I feel like I’m just getting started.

Blogging and having conversations with you has been one of my greatest joys over these last ten years. You have played an essential role in creating this beautiful community. Thank you for your generous contributions to commenting, questioning, sharing, promoting, and reading the various posts on organizing, mindfulness, clutter, letting go, change, and so much more. It takes a village. I am deeply grateful to you.

There are so many people to thank and acknowledge. Many of you have been longtime, staunch supporters, sharers, inspirers, and contributors to this community and my blogging world. My deepest gratitude to Janet Barclay, Seana Turner, Diane Quintana, Ellen Delap, Felice Cohen, Sabrina Quairoli, Andrea Sharb, Sue West, Nacho Eguiarte, Hazel Thorton, Sara Skillen, Stacey Agin Murray, Deb Lee, Janet Schiesl, Nancy Haworth, Andi Willis, Julie Bestry, Yota Schneider, Cam Gott, Val Sgro, Anne Blumer, Sheila Delson, Geralin Thomas, Janine Adams, John Hunt, Leiann Thompson, and Steve, Allison, and Cassie Samuels. I wish I could list everyone, but we’d be here all night.

Being in a reflective mood, I thought it would be fun to look back on some of the favorite and most popular posts. There is always a value in thinking about the past. It’s a way of honoring what was and preparing for what will come. It’s in this spirit that I share these discoveries with you. 

1. First Blog Post

Waiting for Something – November 12, 2009

We are all waiting for something. What if instead of thinking about our wait time as an inconvenience or annoyance, we considered it a gift?

2. Most Popular, Consistently Visited Post

10 Motivation Challenges & Fixes – July 3, 2012

What gets in the way of motivation? Sharing ten common obstacles and strategies to help you get unstuck.

3. Most Comments for Non-Feature Post

5 Tips for More “Happy” in Holiday – December 8, 2011

The holiday season can make even the most positive among us feel stressed and frazzled. Sharing five tips to infuse more “happy” into your holidays.

4. Most Popular “Ask the Expert” Post

Ask the Expert: Julie Morgenstern – June 26, 2012

In this popular “Ask the Expert” series, which began in 2012, I interview leading experts in organizing, productivity, and other related industries. To date, I’ve spoken with 34 experts. I’ve loved talking with and learning from each person. Some of my favorite conversations were with minimalist guru, Joshua Becker, time management pioneer, David Allen, organizational expert, Peter Walsh, chronic disorganization pioneer, Judith Kolberg, creativity expert, Todd Henry, happiness and organizing author, Gretchen Rubin, and of course, Julie Morgenstern productivity and organizing expert.

5. Most Popular Collaborative Post

Stuck? 7 “Now What” Tips – March 5, 2013

For the collaborative post series, I pose one specific question to selected colleagues on a particular topic. From the most popular post in this series, I asked seven colleagues to respond to this question:  When you are stuck, how do you figure out the next step?

6. Most Popular “What’s Interesting?” Post

What Are Today’s Interesting Finds? – v22 – February 18, 2019

In this feature, I share unique and inspiring discoveries, which inform, educate, and relate to organizing and life balance. Since 2014, when I first introduced “What’s Interesting?” I’ve written 25 of these features.

7. My Favorite Post With Nature Video

What Wonderful Change is Emerging Beneath Your Surface? – February 11, 2019

In addition to writing, I love taking photos and videos, especially of people and nature. These images are often shared my blog. Sometimes I create videos to enhance what I’m writing about. In this post on change, I include a video of the mesmerizing movement of frozen sheets of ice cracking and shifting on the surface of the Hudson River.

8. My Favorite Post from the Last Few Years

How to Say Goodbye and Let Go With Love – April 22, 2018

Letting go can be painful. When it’s time to let go, we often feel a loss. As I prepared to say my final goodbyes to our family home of 57 years, I identified ten gentle ways that helped me let go. I hope they will help you too when it’s your time.

9. My Favorite Post That Includes Smead’s Keeping You Organized Video

How to Prepare Yourself for Better Possibilities – October 21, 2019

One of the many exciting outcomes from blogging is being invited as a guest blogger or vlogger. Smead has been exceptionally generous (thank you, John Hunt and Leiann Thompson) about featuring my blog posts on their weekly Facebook Live shows and also interviewing me many times for the Keeping You Organized series. I often incorporate the videos into my blog posts. This recent interview on preparing for organizing success is also one of my favorites.

10. My Favorite Old Post

Gratitude 101: What's On Your List? – November 17, 2011

There is so much to be thankful for. Incorporating gratitude regularly into your day can boost your mood and improve your perspective about life.  What are you grateful for?

So here we are. Ten years and many blog posts later. It’s been an incredible journey so far. I am grateful that you’ve been on the path with me and look forward to continuing our travel together in the years to come.  I’d love to hear your thoughts. Do you have a favorite post from one I shared here? Or, maybe you have another favorite that I didn’t list? Your participation makes this a vibrant community. Once again, I invite you to join the conversation! 

There are times when you’re on a journey, and certain things begin to connect. An idea from one place melds into a concept from a completely different corner of your life. Something you’re focusing on begins appearing everywhere. For example, if you start organizing, randomly, other friends and strangers share their organizing stories with you. Or have you ever bought a new car and then you start noticing on the road tons of that exact car? This frequently happens to me each month when I write about a singular blog theme. Conversations and observations about that idea seem to find me.  Or do I find them? What we look for appears. How does this apply to possibilities? I’m glad you asked.

This month on the blog possibilities is my theme. Since this is the last post of the month, I’m writing about perspective and possibilities. The idea for this post came from a recent session with my coach. I said something like,

“I’ve noticed a shift that I was feeling open to this process, and now I feel more unsure.”

My coach suggested that I write about that difference.

Then something else happened. I was in yoga class. And just to clarify, I’m new to yoga. This was only my third class. One of the things I love about the teacher is his philosophical life lesson that precedes doing actual yoga. At this session, he was talking about distracting thoughts and the choice we have with engagement. We can move towards or away from them. Then he used the phrase “ocean of possibilities.”  I heard an imaginary bell sounding like, “Ding, ding, ding!”

The two separate situations informed each other. In the context that we all have an ocean of possibilities before us, how you perceive those opportunities will significantly influence your path forward.

Here are some questions to consider:

Does being unsure negatively affect your engagement in possibilities?

Does uncertainty prevent you from experimenting?

Does being unsure make you want to retreat to your comfort zone?

Does uncertainty make you fearful?

Does being unsure make you want to give up?

Is your mindset fixed?

Or . . .

How do you approach vast options? 

Are you available to try something new?

Are you willing to experiment and stretch?

Are you open to not knowing the outcome?

Are you able to stay curious?

Are you able to let go of the result?

Is your mindset one of growth and learning?

Here’s the fascinating thing. I suspect that, like most journeys, there isn’t a single way of being. We go through non-linear phases with twists and turns. So we may have moments of bravery when we’re feeling positive and open to new possibilities. And other times, we retreat because things are not going along as quickly or as smoothly or as  _________ (fill in the blank) as we expected.

Perhaps the thought of expectations puts restrictions on our journey. Can we be open, yet also expect? I’m not sure about that.

In the ocean of possibilities that are present, I strive to have an open heart and mind as I move forward. But I also realize that there will be bumps and setbacks along the way. On those days, uncertainty will get the better or me.  Then I’ll find an opening. I’ll face my fear. I’ll reset and remind myself that out of uncertainty comes stretching in ways I never imagined, like in yoga class. While I don’t know where the journey will lead, I am excited about the growth and learning along the way.

What have you noticed about being open or unsure when faced with new possibilities and choices? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.