Raising two girls has not only been one of the most tremendous joys of my life, but it has also been a wonderful education. It was fascinating to learn what motivated them to explore and accomplish. As parents, it’s challenging to identify what motivates us, let alone figuring out what motivates our children. Both pursuits are worthwhile. Why is it that we do anything? The answer varies as widely as we do. We are not made from the same mold and what motivates you to accomplish your goals is different from what motivates your kids.

For our older daughter, Allison, it was apparent that she was motivated by her own agenda from a very early age. She was born determined, faced all challenges head-on, and never looked at “no” as an obstacle. To her, the word “no” was simply an opportunity to arrive at a “yes.” She tried walking at nine months, kept falling, getting up, and trying until she got it. Praise was not important to her. She had her own internal bar that she set from which she motivated herself. She had her own set of rules, way of working, and pacing. We encouraged and cheered her on but pretty much just stepped back as she explored. Music was important to her. While she had many opportunities to perform, she never really liked playing for others. One of her greatest pleasures was and still is just playing for herself for the sheer joy of it.

For Cassie, two years younger, she was motivated by external rewards, expectations, group experiences, and recognition. One of my clearest memories of this was around potty training. When it came time to potty train Cassie at age two, Allison decided to help. She created a potty training system. In our bathroom, where we had the potty, Allison placed a small stool and a basket of books. She then attached a chart to the wall next to the potty. Every time Cassie said, “I have to go,” Allison would say, “Come on, let’s go!” She would then grab her sister’s hand, and the two of them would run into the bathroom together. And so the motivation began. Allison would sit with Cass, keeping her company and reading to her for as long as she liked. If Cassie just sat on the potty, Allison let her pick out a small sticker to place on the chart. If Cassie sat and did “a little something,” Allison let her choose a medium sticker for the chart. And for the “grand prize,” Cassie got a large sticker. Then the two of them would come and give us a recap, and we’d add to the hoopla and fanfare. Within less than a week, our four-year-old had successfully potty trained our two-year-old. Talk about being motivated!

Allison understood what motivated Cassie. Being with others or having group experiences motivated her, so running in and reading together worked. Cassie was motivated by the “reward” concept, hence the sticker system. And praise and recognition were in play by the special attention, encouragement, and recognition her sister gave her.

As Cassie developed, her love of being with others in various group experiences became even more essential. It was never about the stuff, but always about the people. Theatre and performing became her passion. It appeals to who she is on so many levels- the collaborative group experience, the recognition, and the applause.

Knowing what motivates us is crucial. Understanding what motivates and excites our children is vital in understanding who they are and helping them on their journey through life. So whether you’re in the potty training, college searching, or somewhere in-between stage, look for those motivation clues.

What motivates your kids? 

Why is it that we do anything? The answer to that varies as widely as we do. We are not made from the same mold and what motivates you to accomplish your goals is different from what motivates your friends, kids or co-workers. It’s important to know what works for you because we all need something to help us move from place “A” to “B.”

Admittedly, I am extremely goal oriented. I think in terms of projects, short and long term goals. Sometimes just having a daily list of items I’ve set out to accomplish and knowing that by the end of the day they will be crossed out by my red marker is enough to motivate me to complete them. There are other times when my motivation works better if instead of it being visual (as in lots of red marker lines) it is time based. I play a “beat the clock” game with myself to accomplish something before a certain time so that I can go out and play. Wasn’t this a tactic our mothers used on us when we were small? I guess it was ingrained in my way of thinking. This often works well for me because as much as I like to get things done, I love to play even more.

A few weekends ago, in the true spirit of summer, we planned a day trip for Saturday. We were leaving around noon. So I woke up early to have breakfast, shower and get some work done. The fact that we were leaving at a specific time enabled me to focus on what I needed to accomplish. The added bonus and motivating force was that after I worked, I’d get to play and spend time with my family.

And play we did! There’s nothing like taking a day trip. One of my friends, Stacy Maxwell, writes a wonderful blog called “Backyard Therapy” exclusively about the value of going on day trips. The concept is that by stepping out of our normal routines and taking a break just for one day, our sense of well-being is restored.

Our day trip to the east end of Long Island did just that. While our girls are no longer little kids, we went to visit the Children’s Museum of the East End. My husband built some exhibits for them several years ago and we went to visit them in place. While it was fun to see his work, it was just as much fun watching our girls “play” at the museum. Dressing up was always a huge part of their childhood and they haven’t outgrown that yet. Their playfulness spilled over to us as we also enjoyed putting on tutus, pirate gear and firefighters’ jackets. Silly is good!

The day wouldn’t have been complete without having lunch outdoors, walking through the town, checking out an antiques fair, eating ice cream, touring the neighborhoods and seeing the ocean. I was amazed about the positive, rejuvenating effect our excursion had. It was a wonderful day! The idea of the trip provided me with the motivation to get some work done in the morning. The trip itself gave me time to reconnect, play and relax with my family. I was motivated to work by the notion that fun was at the other side. It was a win win!

Motivation is a funny thing. It can be a powerful force in helping us take action. Using its power will bring you great results. Many things motivate us to get organized from imposing deadlines to satisfying someone else’s wishes to preparing for the arrival of houseguests. Being aware of both large and small motivating factors will help you reach your goals.

This is something I encounter not only when working with clients, but also in my own life. Sometimes the goal we are trying to reach is so large, that thinking about that goal and the desired results can actually de-motivate, rather than motivate us into action. While it’s important to keep the big goal or motivating idea in mind, using mini-motivators along the way is essential.

Let’s look at a scenario where you want to sell your home and move? Before that can happen, the cluttered rooms filled with years of accumulation need to be organized and cleared. Even though you have a burning desire to move, it’s not enough yet to bring you to action.

The desired goal seems so large and impossible that it causes inaction. This is often the point when people call for help. They realize that they just can’t accomplish this on their own. If they could have, they would have. The large motivation for moving to a new neighborhood brings them to the next step, which is enlisting help. The help can be from a professional, friend or family member.

Once help arrives, now what? The big picture of moving still exists. Yet, the clutter and things to do are overwhelming you. It’s hard to know where to begin. You feel stuck. Now it’s time to find the mini-motivators. We’re looking for tiny steps that require a less intense level of motivation.

So let’s say we have 30 boxes of papers to sort through. Most of them are old and can probably be recycled, but we still need to look at them to seek out any important ones that might be mixed in. The motivation here becomes emptying a box, not emptying 30 boxes. And when that one box is finished, it propels us forward to begin the next box. The motivation is finding the bottom of the box, all clear, with nothing in it. The small successes will build off one another. They will keep us motivated until we reach the desired goal.

No matter what you are trying to accomplish, don’t underestimate the value of using both large and mini-motivators.

What motivates you to get organized and reach your goals?

We spend a good part of our days thinking about what we have to do, want to do, or do. We spend even more time working on getting those things done. And then there are the moments or snapshots that mark time. Sometimes I can conjure up these images, and other times, I’m reminded of the moments from photos. These treasured photos help me remember both the mundane and significant moments that mark the passage of time.

As a parent, some of the significant family moments are things like the births of our children, first days of school, recitals, birthdays, graduations and all the “big” events in between. We know these moments define change. Then there are the beautiful non-event moments that get captured like your child smiling in delight or holding their Daddy’s hand.

“Our time is partly in the planning, but mostly in the moments that make us stop and realize how precious time is.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

As our youngest daughter just went to her senior prom, you can imagine the volume of photos that were taken of her and her friends. The paparazzi of parents gathered together with their cameras to capture this significant moment in their sons’ and daughters’ lives. Some were teary eyed as they watched their “babies” all grown up in their prom attire. Some talked in disbelief wondering, “Where did the time go?”

Photos were taken and our kids went off. The parents remained with instantaneous digital pictures preserving the memory.

As I looked at the prom photos, I thought about other times of “dressing-up.” Our daughters loved putting on costumes whether is was Halloween or not. They’d appear as ballerinas, fairies, princesses or other characters. Hours were spent selecting costumes and playing pretend. Perhaps things haven’t changed so much. They are still dressing up, but differently from when they were little girls.

Our time is partly in the planning, but mostly in the moments that make us stop and realize how precious time is. So, even if you are in the midst of a frenzy of lists to complete and places to go, take some time to stop and appreciate the moment you are in. It all goes way too fast.

What are you appreciating right now?