Do you wish your kids were more organized? Do you get frustrated trying to help them? I was curious about how others taught and transferred organizing skills to their own children. So, I enlisted help from a wonderful group of colleagues (Stephanie Calahan, Leslie Josel, Helena Alkhas, Ellen Delap, Yota Schneider, Diana Quintana and Aby Garvey.) I asked them, “What organizing success strategy have you passed on to your children? How did you accomplish that?”  Their responses are motivating and inspiring. My gratitude goes to each of them for sharing their personal stories with us. If you want your children to become more organized, keep reading to discover some kid-tested organizing success tips that might work for you.

What organizing success strategy have you passed on to your children? How did you accomplish that? . . .

7 Kid-Tested Organizing Success Tips

1. Small Steps

“Ever since my son was small we have worked with him to understand how to take big projects and break them into simple doable steps. For example, cleaning his bathroom breaks down into gathering the supplies needed and then cleaning the mirror, counter, sink, tub/shower, toilet and floor. We did this by sitting with him and having him think through the steps and we'd fill in the blanks when he would get stuck. Now that he is twelve, we use the same strategy for his school and extra curricular activities. We found that by giving him the opportunity to think it through first, he is quite independent with most of his work and often gets it done ahead of schedule because he has thought through the variables.“

Stephanie LH Calahan– The Big Vision Catalyst, Business Strategist, Author and Producer

2. Prompts

“The organizing success strategy that I’ve taught my children is to use external prompts to remind them of tasks or responsibilities they need to get done. So if they need to do homework, call a friend, walk the dog, put dinner in the oven, etc. They’ve been taught to set timers, phones, alarms, or use visual and written prompts. I started teaching them this strategy by asking them the question, “How are you going to remember to…” and having them work out the strategy that would best fit the task. It’s not enough to ask them to do something but ask them how they are going to remember or prompt themselves to do it.”

Leslie Josel – ADHD Specialist & Author

3. Routines

“I am a believer in having routines to structure our time, know what comes next and to be more productive. We have a clear routine that "guides" us through the day and the kids grew up with that. From the moment they wake up, through going to school and back, all the way to going to bed at night we follow a "self-care/school" checklist that helps them cross the dots of daily life and lets them know when is work time, when is play time. This also teaches them to be independent and to self-guide. As a parent it is my hope that this will stay with them and help them when they have to leave and be on their own.”

Helena Alkhas– Professional Organizer & Virtual Assistant

4. Practice

“My kids are amazing, organized parents! They are list makers with a family calendar in their kitchens. They organize not only their closets, but also their children’s clothes.  Each has a file cabinet with easy access, simple filing. How did this happen?  It’s all about talking the talk and walking the walk.  Living in a home with organized parents created the expectation that organizing is an important life skill.  We focused on strengths, talked about organizing, and down played perfectionism.  They practiced as teens and young adults.  Now as parents of young children they have created organizing solutions in their own homes.”

Ellen Delap, CPO®  – Professional Organizer, Productivity Consultant & Family Manager Coach

5. Preparation

“August is traditionally Back to School month and there's tremendous marketing pressure to get out there and buy. The girls, high school juniors, know that I'm not going Back to School shopping unless they've inventoried their closets and desks, assessed their needs and wants, and de-cluttered their space.

Piles of paper, old homework and folders head to the recycling bin, used up school supplies are thrown away, and clothes they've outgrown and are usable head to the donation pile. Next, they create a prioritized list of their needs and wants. I assure them that they'll always get what they need and occasionally what they want. What they’ve learned is that, in order to make room for the new, we simply have to let go of the old and outdated!"

Yota Schneider, Seasons of Change Certified Master Coach – Life Transitions Coach, Workshops & Retreat Facilitator, Blogger, & Mindfulness Meditation Practitioner

6. Completion

“There is a saying that goes like this: Don’t put it down, put it away. I used this saying over and over with my two boys. When they were very young I asked them to put something away when they were finished with it. This translated to games they were playing with when they were very young. As they grew older this saying could also be applied to things like clothes (in a laundry basket or hung up), dishes in the dishwasher, homework in the correct binder, and taking things they belonged to them back to their rooms.”

Diane N. Quintana, CPO®, CPO-CD®– Professional Organizer & Author

7. Letting Go

“By organizing and decluttering with my kids since they were very young, I've taught them how to let go of things they no longer use or love. For one of my kids, letting go didn't come easy. It required a lot of patience and a long-term focus on my part, as we spent hours going through her stuffed animals, clothing, toys, and books. I always let my kids make the decisions, and never let go of anything behind their backs. In the process, I've taught them that letting go is a natural part of life and maintained their trust.”

Aby Garvey – Professional Organizer, Author, & Online Class Instructor

I love this collection of strategies from my colleagues! As a parent with two daughters in college and beyond, I have spent a lot of time teaching them organizing skills. The investment was worthwhile. I marvel at how they’ve integrated those skills regularly and naturally into their lives. Here are some more articles about transferring organizing skills to our children:

Failing Your Way to Success by Linda Samuels

Moms’ “To Do” Lists by Linda Samuels

Cutting the Organizing Umbilical Cord by Leslie Josel

11 Tips to Conquer Your Child’s Clutter by Aby Garvey

Which organizing success tips resonate with you? Do you have additional ones to share? Come join the conversation.

Is the desire to be and feel successful in our work, life, and relationships a universal pursuit? It's certainly something we often talk about and strive for. Our personal definition of success varies for each person and situation. During a conversation with my Mom, I was reminded about one of my favorite "success" stories about my Dad.

Like many others of his generation, my Dad worked for the same company for 25 years. He could have easily become a lifer. Due to several reasons, at age 50, he made a bold move. He gave up the familiar along with security of income and benefits to start his own company. With two kids in college and one about to start (me,) he took a big financial and personal risk.

The story goes that on his first day of being his own boss, he went to his newly rented office and worked. Opposite of his normal work habits, halfway into the workday, he left to see a movie. He’d never done that before. Later that night when he got home, he told my Mom about his movie adventure. When she asked him why he went, he said, "I wanted to see what would happen."

“Refine what you’re doing, try something new, and pave the way for your success.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

That singular event, set the stage for the next 25 plus years as he tested the “let’s see what will happen” theory. He became highly successful in his computer graphics consultancy business as he traveled the world saying, “yes” to opportunities and trying things he’d never done before.

While the lessons I learned from him are many, here are a few of the success rules my Dad modeled for me:

9 Success Rules

1. Try something new.

2. Question the familiar.

3. Fear will be there, but forge ahead anyway.

4. Just because you never have, doesn't mean you can't.

5. Connect people.

6. Say, “yes” to opportunities.

7. The glass is half full.

8. Humor is a good thing.

9. Enjoy the journey.

It’s a new season. It’s a chance to reset your goals, refine what you’re doing, try something new, and pave the way for your success. What does success look and feel like? What are your success rules? I’d love to hear from you. Come join the conversation.

From the perspective of being a professional organizer for more than twenty years, I consider my field to be one of the helping professions.  There are many ways I assist my clients, which involve helping them with their “stuff.” I use that term loosely because it isn’t always the traditional physical things of life that are part of the work. The “stuff” extends to emotions, time, transitions and more. While the list is extensive and ever changing, I’d like to share a recent sampling of how I’ve helped. While my clients have a wide range of needs, I specialize in working with individuals who are chronically disorganized. I have extensive training and certification in chronic disorganization through the Institute for Challenging Disorganization (ICD.)

What are some of the ways organizers help their clients? Depending upon your perspective, as you read ahead you might identify ways that you might benefit from hiring an organizer. Or perhaps, you’ll discover new options to provide organizing help to others. I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

10 Ways Organizers Help Clients With “Stuff”

1. Assessment Stuff -Organizing involves doing but also thinking. Assessing is done at various stages in the organizing process. It’s always done before work begins so we can understand the organizational areas that need attention. Assessments don’t end there. They continue once the work begins. Each organizing visit includes an assessment before, during, and at the end to help clients stay focused, adjust the scope as needed, and acknowledge their progress.

2. Physical Stuff -No matter how much the digital era has infiltrated our lives, we still have an abundance of physical things to manage, maintain, evaluate, and organize. From papers to clothing to toys and gadgets, helping to organize the physical possessions of life and the space we live and work in is a major part of the work I do.

3. System Stuff -With all of this stuff, we need systems to manage everything from paper flow to recycling, donation, or return centers. Those are some of the ways I help my clients organize.

4. Emotional Stuff -There are distinct boundaries between organizers, coaches and therapists. You might more readily equate “emotional stuff” with a therapist’s work than you would with an organizer’s. I’m not a therapist and respect the professional boundaries. However, organizing and going through “our stuff” can bring up an array of emotions. So while I don’t counsel, I am there to support my clients during the organizing and letting go process, which can be highly emotional.

“Organizing involves doing but also thinking.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

5. Maintenance Stuff -Even after all “things” are organized and in place, there is often a need for periodic maintenance, especially with the chronically disorganized population. This can involve clearing spaces, closets, or surfaces that were previously organized. It can include processing and filing papers, updating financial records, or switching seasonal clothing. Scheduling maintenance builds in time to reroute and restore things to their designated homes and evaluate changes that might be beneficial.

6. Project Stuff -Instead of ongoing, overall organizing help, some clients enlist help for specific projects. This can include everything from organizing a closet to house linens, clothing or gifts to setting up a unique paper management system for college applications, committee work, or writing projects to making lists and packing for a trip. The help needed is often short-term, clearly definable, and has a distinct beginning and end.

7. Routine Stuff -There are times that clients need help for managing routine items like making calls for research, setting up, reviewing, or canceling accounts, making appointments, logging receipts, updating check registers, processing mail, making lists, or writing correspondence.

8. Resource Stuff -More often than not, I’m asked about specific resources for my clients. Their requests range widely for help finding best places to purchase organizing products to sources for donating furniture to companies that remove junk to therapists that specialize in compulsive buying. I’m constantly collecting new resources, generously shared from other professionals, friends, and family.

9. Time Stuff -Many clients are overwhelmed by their overflowing calendars. Their schedules can feel as cluttered as their spaces. The busyness also affects their thoughts, which can create mind clutter. For many clients, I help them evaluate their time commitments, establish their priorities, work on planning, and design a more comfortable version of the 24 hours they have each day.

10. Transition Stuff -A favorite aspect of my work is the long-term relationships that develop. Especially because of this longevity, I have the privilege of helping clients navigate the organizational parts that life’s transitions bring such as marriage, birth, graduation, job change, children leaving, children returning home, moves, divorce, loss, death. Transitions are dramatic periods of change. Being able to help clients organize during the tumult gives them some sense of control, normalcy and comfort. 

I’d love to hear from you. Are you thinking about enlisting help from an organizer? Are you an organizer that helps others? Perhaps you’re in another helping profession. Which ways to get help with “stuff” resonate with you? Introduce yourself and come join the conversation!

Dr. April Lane Benson

The “Ask the Expert” interview series connects you with industry thought leaders. This year we’ve spoken with Leslie Josel about motivation, David Allen about time management, Peter Walsh about clutter, Sheila Delson about letting go, Laura Berman Fortgang about next steps, Judith Kolberg about change, and Sue West about fresh starts. This month I’m thrilled to bring you a dynamo in the field of psychology, Dr. April Lane Benson, to share her insights and experience about enlisting help.

April and I met in 2004 when she spoke at the National Association of Professional Organizers New York chapter (NAPO-NY) meeting about compulsive buying. I became a fan immediately. Since then, I’ve had the pleasure of talking with her and hearing her present many times. She’s straightforward, energetic, compassionate, and the expert on shopping addiction. My deepest thanks goes to April for taking the time to join us. Before we begin, here’s more about her.

April Lane Benson, Ph.D., is a nationally known psychologist specializing in the study and treatment of compulsive buying disorder. She edited I Shop, Therefore I Am: Compulsive Buying and the Search for Self  (2000) and authored To Buy or Not to Buy: Why We Overshop and How to Stop (2008). April recently conducted empirical research on the efficacy of the Stopping Overshopping treatment model; results will be published in early 2014 in the Journal of Groups in Addiction and Recovery.

Linda Samuels:  You are a nationally known psychologist who specializes in the treatment of compulsive buying disorder. What is the tipping point that motivates people to reach out for help?

April Lane Benson:  People reach out for help when their behavior has either become unmanageable to themselves, or poses such a big issue for someone else that the other person insists on it. Overwhelming debt is a big motivator for many; feeling enormously burdened by the lying and secrecy that are often part and parcel of this problem is another trigger. As far as other people’s reactions being the catalyst for the compulsive buyer to get help, these are common scenarios. A couple is trying to get a mortgage and in that process, the debt of one member of the couple is revealed. Family members may find a compulsive buyer’s secret stashes or find a credit card or money has been stolen. There may no longer be any room to navigate at home because of such an overabundance of stuff.

Linda:  What conditions make self-help a viable option?

April: If someone has a history of having been able to utilize self-help resources productively for another behavior or is doing so currently, he or she is a good candidate for self-help. Someone who has one or two individuals who are willing to be very involved in a nuts and bolts way with the compulsive buyer and function as shopping support buddies is another good candidate. Knowing about the availability of self-help resources, books, audiotapes, online support groups, and in-person support groups is also key to making it a viable option.

Linda:  When seeking professional help is the appropriate option, what are some useful questions to find the right fit?

April:

• Has the provider worked with compulsive buyers before? Approximately how many?

• What does the treatment consist of?

• What kind of success rate does the potential provider have?

• What method or school of thought does the potential provider utilize?

• How long is the treatment?

• How much will it cost?

• Will any other family members be involved?

• Will the provider collaborate with a professional organizer if the client wishes?

Linda:  As professional organizers we often encounter clients with shopping addictions. What is important for us to understand so that we can best help our clients?

April:  It’s important for organizers to understand that there are sometimes deep psychological issues that are maintaining the compulsive buying behavior and that the emotional underpinnings of the problem need to be understood and worked with alongside the behavioral interventions.  Organizers need to be very clear about their own boundaries and be aware of the differences between organizing, coaching and psychotherapy.

Linda:  What has been your biggest personal challenge around enlisting help?

April:  For many years, I engaged in a self-defeating habit that no one in my life saw as a significant issue. In part because of that feedback and also because of my own ambivalence about change, it took a long time for me to seek professional help.  By the time I did, I was so clear about wanting to change and ready to change that it no longer mattered what anyone else thought.  What a great decision!

Linda:  Is there anything else you’d like to share about seeking help that I haven’t asked?

April:  It’s important that professional organizers know that there’s no shame, and more likely wisdom, in telling the client that some of what he/she needs goes beyond your area of expertise and that you’ll assist him/her in getting help. This is great modeling for the client who needs to know that effective help is available and that it’s a strength, rather than a weakness to ask for it.

Thank you, April for sharing your ideas about enlisting help. You’ve provided many ways to think about getting the type of support that’s needed. I love your list of questions for finding the right type of professional help. Perhaps what I found most encouraging was your perspective that asking for help is a “strength rather than a weakness.” What a great thought to end with.

I invite you to join April and me as we continue the conversation. We’d love to hear your thoughts about enlisting help. What resonates with you?

As a update to this interview, I am devastated to share that April died on March 29, 2021. She was a tremendous and positive force in this world. I will miss our conversations, touch points, her warmth, and energy. Her presence will be sorely missed. While April is gone, her legacy lives on. In 2019, April sold her business to her friend and colleague, Carrie Rattle. She was trained by April and has taken on the important work of helping those struggling with shopping addiction. If you need help, or know someone that does, please reach out to Carrie.