Opportunities for change appear in dramatic and mundane ways. However, it’s not always clear if it’s time to make a change, even when a cue presents itself. Maybe you’re not ready. Perhaps you aren’t aware of the hint. Or, you know something needs to shift, but you’re more comfortable with the familiar and are hesitant to pursue the unknown. Fear and anxiety can surface, which clouds objectivity and decision-making. 

Several weeks ago, I received an obvious change indicator. It couldn’t be any clearer. Did I boldly go for it and make the necessary change? Eventually, I did, but not without some angst. For iPhone users, this scenario will sound familiar. My phone started acting up. What happened? The icon on the home screen indicated the battery was 100% charged. Within minutes, the battery dropped to 10% and then shut off the phone. The first time it happened, I thought I misread the icon. After all, the symbol is tiny, and I have a hard time seeing it without my glasses. It happened four times and with increased frequency. Even though I wanted to pretend that it was nothing, I could not ignore the facts. My phone wasn’t working, and a change was inevitable.

Technology and our devices are great when they work. But when they don’t, it can be frustrating. At the height of my annoyance and awareness, I called Apple for their help. Within minutes, a calm, knowledgeable tech support person ran a diagnostic on my phone and quickly determined the problem. He said my “battery has reached its full lifespan.” Full lifespan? I thought that phrase sounded odd, so I asked for more clarification. He read back the report, which specifically stated my battery had “exceeded expected lifespan.”

How often is the choice for change that clear? Translated, “exceeded expected lifespan” meant it was time to move on, Linda, and get a new phone. I won’t go into the details of what happened next with my research, numerous conversations, sleepless nights, and the decision-making process. The vital part of this story isn’t about next, but about how we can notice and lean into change.

“Whether your change indicators are subtle or bold, they are waiting for you to discover them.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Without seeing an indicator, you won’t make a change. Once you are aware that change is necessary, the process begins. An internal switch gets flipped from being oblivious to aware. Awareness sets choices into motion, which bring about change.

As I said at the beginning, not all cues are as clear as my iPhone diagnostic revealed. How often do we get the message that something has “exceeded expected lifespan,” and it’s time to move on? Whether your change indicators are subtle or bold, they are waiting for you to discover them.

Have you noticed cues for change? What are they encouraging you to pursue? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation!

Have you ever tried to create a new habit or behavior? Altering your habit cue will encourage a different result. For example, if you want to stop losing your keys, you can put a small bowl in a landing spot to catch your keys when you enter your home. The bowl becomes your new cue and helps to change your habit. No more misplaced keys because you have established a specific home where you will always find them. This sounds good, right? What happens when you successfully put your keys in the bowl for days, even months, and then one time you forget to do it? You frantically hunt for your misplaced keys and berate yourself for losing them. How do you bounce back from there? Do you give up? Do you engage in negative self-talk? Will you embrace a fresh start even after your break in continuity?

Recently, I had an upsetting experience with one of my habits. I’ve been practicing mindfulness meditation for four years. I’ve meditated almost daily with a gap here and there. For a while now, Insight Timer has been my favorite meditation app. Aside from the app offering diverse meditations and teachers to choose from, it also tracks my activity. So I know how many consecutive days I’ve meditated. To help keep me committed to my practice, I also use a daily repeat on my to-do list that cues me. 

So what happened? I intentionally deviated from my normal morning routine, including mindfulness meditation, so I could make a special birthday breakfast for my husband. My plan was to meditate later that day or at bedtime. However, the day got away from me for various reasons, and before I realized it, it was past midnight. I missed my practice that day. I’ve missed meditation practice a day or two at other times, so why was I so upset? I mentioned before that Insight Timer tracks my activity. Up until the other day, I had 390 consecutive days of practice. By missing that single day, the consecutive days counter restarted. I was so disappointed in myself. How could I have missed a day? The negative self-talk was quite insistent. And then something happened. I asked, “What lesson can I learn?” I wanted to shift my unhelpful thinking to a more positive, growth-oriented mindset.

“What lesson can I learn?”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

3 Lessons Learned From My Break in Continuity

1. It’s just a number.

Seeing the consecutive days’ number increase after each meditation gives me a motivation boost. But the reason I meditate has nothing to do with the number. I meditate to feel calmer, provide quiet space, practice focus, shift attention, and be more mindful. None of those things have anything to do with a number. I don’t meditate for the gold star or days tracked by the app. However, by missing one practice, I recognized how reliant I had become on the tracker, which wasn’t healthy.

What I know is the more I practice, the better I feel, and the more I’m able to regulate my emotions. The 390 consecutive days I practiced aren’t lost. And the meditations ahead will continue to be helpful. I reminded myself to use the tracking if it helps but recognizing it only represents a tiny part of the entire story. 

2. Understand the “what-the-hell effect.”

I recently attended a meeting with fellow Executive Mom Nest Advisor, Monica Moore, a health and fertility coach. She talked about habit change and how certain actions can derail us. Monica described the “what-the-hell effect,” a term behavioral scientists use. It’s a feeling of shame we can experience when we mess up and deviate from a habit we’ve established. For example, let’s say you committed to not eating ice cream. You successfully eliminated it from your diet. Then one day, you eat a small spoonful. Instead of stopping there, you down the entire pint thinking, “I already screwed- up, so I might as well keep going.” 

This made me think about missing my morning meditation practice. I could have gone down the “what-the-hell” path. But I rejected the ‘all or nothing’ thinking. Yes, I made one sidestep that I was unhappy about. However, I stepped back in the following day, practiced, and gifted myself a fresh start.

3. When all else fails, let go.

I woke up to face the Insight Timer app. After my morning meditation, I knew that the consecutive days displayed wouldn’t increase to 391 but would revert to just 1. Ouch. My berating began again, which wasn’t helpful. I wanted to reframe my negative thoughts. I selected one of my favorite practices, Letting Go Meditation, guided by Annemaree Rowley. Before the meditation ended, she read a poem by Erin Hanson. I love the last line, “. . . not everything you ever lose, is bound to be a loss.” How true that is. I lost consecutive day 391. However, in doing so, I strengthened my commitment to my practice, remembered my why, and let go of the negative self-talk. 

“. . . not everything you ever lose, is bound to be a loss.”

— Erin Hanson

Is it possible to embrace a fresh start, especially when your habit or goal get derailed? You always have the opportunity to begin again. When you go off course, what helps you move forward? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.