Posts tagged lessons learned
5 Thoughtful Ways to Get More Help With My Simple Organizing Plan
5 Thoughtful Ways to Get More Help With My Simple Organizing Plan

Last week I introduced you to my simple organizing plan experiment. I continue to let go and learn with five more discoveries to share. This low-pressure, loose plan will help me reduce the amount of stuff I own. A daily repeat on my to-do list cues me to ‘Edit & release some stuff.’  There is no expectation other than to do something. I spend 15-60 minutes editing what I feel like working on that day.

Even though our house isn’t cluttered and items have a ‘home,’ I own things that have overstayed their welcome and are no longer used, needed, or wanted. They are taking up physical and emotional space. It’s time to let them go.

This past week, my adventure continued. I edited and organized plastic containers, tea, the cobalt blue glass collection, office and school supplies, wrapping paper, personal and business papers from files and notebooks, medicine cabinets, toiletries, personal care products, and my email inbox. These items were from the kitchen, pantry, dining room, office, guest and main bathrooms, linen closet, and computer.

 

I let go of . . .

  • Four 13-gallon bags of trash

  • Three bags of paper for recycling

  • One bag of paper for shredding

  • One bag of school supplies for a friend

  • Hundreds of emails with inbox now hovering at around 35


This low-pressure do-something-every-day-plan is working well. I previously shared seven lessons learned. My discoveries continue, and I added five new ones.

 

5 More Discoveries I Made With My Simple Organizing Plan

1. Find the Treasures

I didn’t set out for the decluttering process to be a treasure hunt. My focus was on finding the things I no longer wanted. To my delight, I found some jewels. No. They weren’t precious stones but were messages and remembrances from other stages. These papers affirmed the time and energy investments in my family, business, and professional development. My favorite find was from notes I wrote during a family meeting with my mom before her dementia diagnosis. She said,

There isn’t a thing, a book, an anything I need beyond you guys and Daddy.” 

Mom valued time over stuff and people over things. What beautiful thoughts to discover at that moment. On my letting go quest, I felt my mom’s love, clarity, and encouraging support. As you edit, be on the lookout for your treasures.

 

 

2. Embrace the Easy

When you edit, some categories will be a challenge. I’ll explore more about those soon. However, other items will be effortless to decide about. They are the no-brainers. When editing the bathrooms, I found expired over-the-counter medicines. The decision to toss them was simple. Out they went. In my office, I found my old Rolodex. I hadn’t referenced it in over 15 years, and the contacts had been transferred to my digital system. It was easy and only a little painful to say “Good-bye, friend.” When I sorted the bazillion tea bags and discovered ones that no one will ever use, I let them go with no deliberation.

All of these categories were non-controversial and not emotional. And you know what? I embraced the simplicity of those choices. There was no guilt, no second-guessing, just this beautiful ease in letting go.

 

There was no guilt, no second-guessing, just this beautiful ease in letting go.
— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

 

3. Allow for Space

While I let go of stuff every day, the physical volume that left this past week was less than the prior weeks. I’m getting to the more complicated, time-intensive things like papers and items with stronger emotional attachments. For example, it was difficult going through my mom’s papers since she died just four months ago. I let go of some things in my “first pass.” I gifted myself space to create some distance. When I’m ready, I’ll return at a future time for the second and possibly third round of letting go

I recognize that while I want to let go of many things, I may not be ready to let go of everything at once. And that’s OK. In fact, making several passes supports the low-pressure nature of the ‘Edit & release some stuff’ plan.

 

 

4. Just Show Up

Pile of papers

Every day is different, with some more full or demanding of my energy. Despite the variables, I remain committed to editing and releasing every day. During one recent full-plate day, I had twenty minutes before I had to pick up our take-out order. Instead of starting my writing project, I used that time to work on my organizing plan. In twenty minutes, I edited and shredded a stack of papers. I checked off the task on my to-do list and felt the endorphin ping. It was a win. 

 

 

5. Inspire and Be Inspired

Inspiring cues with summer changing to fall are all around- a cooler day here, a yellow leaf there. Over these weeks, as I’ve shared my organizing process with others, something else extraordinary is happening. Clients, friends, family, and colleagues are supportive and feel inspired by my plan. They recognize that it’s doable and straightforward. How exciting to encourage and inspire people to engage in living with less.

People are also telling me about their completed or ongoing letting go experiences. They’re sharing their successes and challenges. This inspires me to keep going. I’m not alone in my quest for less. We’re in this together.

 

Do you have an editing story? Are you working on living with less? What helps you? Which discoveries resonate with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

 
 
How to Embrace a Fresh Start After Feeling Upset by Your Break in Continuity
How to Embrace a Fresh Start After Feeling Upset by Your Break in Continuity

Have you ever tried to create a new habit or behavior? Altering your habit cue will encourage a different result. For example, if you want to stop losing your keys, you can put a small bowl in a landing spot to catch your keys when you enter your home. The bowl becomes your new cue and helps to change your habit. No more misplaced keys because you have established a specific home where you will always find them. This sounds good, right? What happens when you successfully put your keys in the bowl for days, even months, and then one time you forget to do it? You frantically hunt for your misplaced keys and berate yourself for losing them. How do you bounce back from there? Do you give up? Do you engage in negative self-talk? Will you embrace a fresh start even after your break in continuity?

Recently, I had an upsetting experience with one of my habits. I’ve been practicing mindfulness meditation for four years. I’ve meditated almost daily with a gap here and there. For a while now, Insight Timer has been my favorite meditation app. Aside from the app offering diverse meditations and teachers to choose from, it also tracks my activity. So I know how many consecutive days I’ve meditated. To help keep me committed to my practice, I also use a daily repeat on my to-do list that cues me. 

So what happened? I intentionally deviated from my normal morning routine, including mindfulness meditation, so I could make a special birthday breakfast for my husband. My plan was to meditate later that day or at bedtime. However, the day got away from me for various reasons, and before I realized it, it was past midnight. I missed my practice that day. I’ve missed meditation practice a day or two at other times, so why was I so upset? I mentioned before that Insight Timer tracks my activity. Up until the other day, I had 390 consecutive days of practice. By missing that single day, the consecutive days counter restarted. I was so disappointed in myself. How could I have missed a day? The negative self-talk was quite insistent. And then something happened. I asked, “What lesson can I learn?” I wanted to shift my unhelpful thinking to a more positive, growth-oriented mindset.

What lesson can I learn?
— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

3 Lessons Learned From My Break in Continuity

1. It’s just a number.

Seeing the consecutive days’ number increase after each meditation gives me a motivation boost. But the reason I meditate has nothing to do with the number. I meditate to feel calmer, provide quiet space, practice focus, shift attention, and be more mindful. None of those things have anything to do with a number. I don’t meditate for the gold star or days tracked by the app. However, by missing one practice, I recognized how reliant I had become on the tracker, which wasn’t healthy.

What I know is the more I practice, the better I feel, and the more I’m able to regulate my emotions. The 390 consecutive days I practiced aren’t lost. And the meditations ahead will continue to be helpful. I reminded myself to use the tracking if it helps but recognizing it only represents a tiny part of the entire story. 

 

 

2. Understand the “what-the-hell effect.”

I recently attended a meeting with fellow Executive Mom Nest Advisor, Monica Moore, a health and fertility coach. She talked about habit change and how certain actions can derail us. Monica described the “what-the-hell effect,” a term behavioral scientists use. It’s a feeling of shame we can experience when we mess up and deviate from a habit we’ve established. For example, let’s say you committed to not eating ice cream. You successfully eliminated it from your diet. Then one day, you eat a small spoonful. Instead of stopping there, you down the entire pint thinking, “I already screwed- up, so I might as well keep going.” 

This made me think about missing my morning meditation practice. I could have gone down the “what-the-hell” path. But I rejected the ‘all or nothing’ thinking. Yes, I made one sidestep that I was unhappy about. However, I stepped back in the following day, practiced, and gifted myself a fresh start.

 

 

3. When all else fails, let go.

I woke up to face the Insight Timer app. After my morning meditation, I knew that the consecutive days displayed wouldn’t increase to 391 but would revert to just 1. Ouch. My berating began again, which wasn’t helpful. I wanted to reframe my negative thoughts. I selected one of my favorite practices, Letting Go Meditation, guided by Annemaree Rowley. Before the meditation ended, she read a poem by Erin Hanson. I love the last line, “. . . not everything you ever lose, is bound to be a loss.” How true that is. I lost consecutive day 391. However, in doing so, I strengthened my commitment to my practice, remembered my why, and let go of the negative self-talk. 

. . . not everything you ever lose, is bound to be a loss.
— Erin Hanson

Is it possible to embrace a fresh start, especially when your habit or goal get derailed? You always have the opportunity to begin again. When you go off course, what helps you move forward? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

 
 
7 Valuable Lessons I Learned About Weddings, Hope, & Possibilities
Madison Must Photography

Madison Must Photography

As I sit down to write, thoughts of love, family, and a wedding swirl around my head and heart. Like a dream, I can’t believe that our youngest daughter, Cassie, married Matthew at our home one week ago. They exuded joy and love. We all felt it. By the end of the day, the back of my head ached from smiling so much. It was a good ache. There was so much love, a sense of wonderful possibilities, and hope for the future. Their celebration was a welcome bright spot in the midst of a challenging year.

My husband and I remained in the blissful wedding bubble for as long as we could. At this point, I have mostly returned to regular life. There are still a few flower bouquets reminding me that a wedding really did happen here, and some thank you notes to write. But other than that, my wedding tasks are complete, and the house is back to its pre-party state. What remains is this inner warmth from this significant time, images of tender moments, feelings of calm, and some lessons learned.

 

7 Lessons Learned from The Mother of the Bride

Communication

Shortly after Cassie and Matthew’s engagement last May, we started discussing the wedding. Right away, I realized we had different ideas and expectations. I recognized the importance of being open, listening, and remaining respectful of their wishes. After all, it was their wedding day. They chose to organize and handle most things and delegated some aspects to others, including me. We supported them in any way we could. Often that meant listening or offering ideas when asked. Keeping the lines of communication open was essential. 

 

Flexibility

A valuable life skill when making a wedding, especially during a pandemic, is flexibility. Change was the flavor of the day. The kids made plans and, because of the pandemic, had to alter them more than once. They remained flexible, and so did I. I’ll admit that I’m not naturally flexible and continue to work at it. The pandemic influenced a venue change, the wedding’s scope, the vendors, and the number of guests that could attend. Other changes happened that weren’t pandemic-related but required flexibility. Remaining nimble was a great coping strategy for all of us.

 

Madison Must Photography

Madison Must Photography

Letting Go

As moms, we literally learn to let go from the moment our kids are born. They leave our bodies after being protectively housed for nine months. And that’s just the beginning. As our kids grow, we continue letting go in many ways. It’s useful to exercise those letting go skills when planning a wedding. There are so many things we can’t control. Recognizing that and letting go of control was key for me. It allowed me to worry less and enjoy more. The wedding was outside. Weather is one of the many things we have no control over. Letting go and focusing on the things we have agency over is useful. For example, we ordered a tent with attachable sides, in case it rained. We had control of the tent situation, but not the weather. Luckily, the wedding day was gorgeous. However, the newlyweds’ brunch on the following day was rainy, but the tent sides kept us cozy and dry.

Letting go and focusing on the things we have agency over is useful.
— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Planning

A lot of thought and organizing went into the wedding weekend. As I mentioned, Cassie and Matthew did all of the event planning. Their Google spreadsheets were amazing! However, my husband, Steve, and I had our lists too. The key was not waiting until the last minute to do things. In the months leading up to the wedding weekend, we made good use of evenings and weekends to prepare the house, clean, edit, organize, and schedule. There’s nothing quite like having a party to motivate you to get things done. I created a master list with separate projects and tasks in each section. Planning and allocating enough time to complete things made it less stressful. It also enabled me to more fully enjoy the process. I also discovered a fun fact. My daughters and I are all list-makers who prefer using a combination of digital and handwritten lists to get things done.

 

Madison Must Photography

Madison Must Photography

Being Present

Days before the wedding, Cassie, Matthew, and our oldest daughter, Allison, arrived. What an incredible feeling to have everyone home! We’ve had very few visitors during the pandemic. I don’t remember the last time our kids were home with us for five days. What a treat! I didn’t want to miss anything. There were times when the girls were off in a corner experimenting with hair and makeup, or Matthew and Steve were in the greenhouse setting up equipment for the ceremony. At those moments, I was an observer, sensing family helping family, hearing laughter, and feeling the warmth of our house full of loved ones. At other times, I was in a doing mode. On Cassie’s wedding day, she asked us to put away our phones. She wanted the wedding photographer to be the only one taking pictures so we could be fully present. How wise. What a gift that was! It made me realize how many being present opportunities there were.

There were many being present opportunities.
— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Leaning In

There were so many emotions- joy, happiness, excitement, and sadness too. It was an intense variety of feelings. I embraced them all. While I was overjoyed that the parents, one set of grandparents, siblings, and a few of the bride and groom’s friends were with us in person on the wedding day, the rest of our family and friends couldn’t be there because of pandemic restrictions.  For those who couldn't attend in person, they watched the ceremony live on Zoom. I won’t lie. I missed the physical presence of my brothers, sisters, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, and friends. It felt so strange to celebrate a major milestone without them. I recognize that I’m not alone. This year, many people have experienced celebrations differently. With acceptance, I leaned into my conflicting emotions- feeling the joy of being together with the people that could attend and the sadness for those that couldn’t. 

Madison Must Photography

Madison Must Photography

 

Reflecting

When we go through significant life events, it’s important to make time to reflect on our experiences. There were so many memorable moments and feelings that replay in my mind. I know more will continue to appear, but I thought I’d share several with you.

  • Hugging our kids after being physically apart for so long.

  • Hearing the sweet sounds of talking, giggling, and laughter fill our home.

  • Spending time setting up, eating, and walking in the woods with our family and Matthew’s parents and three brothers the day before the wedding. 

  • Experiencing the poignancy of painting Cassie’s finger and toenails the night before her wedding day and remembering how I used to paint her nails when she was little.

  • Watching Allison dote over Cassie during the wedding weekend, as she helped with her hair and makeup, and anything she needed.

  • Seeing my handsome husband all dressed-up as the Father of the Bride.

  • Feeling grateful to meet Matthew’s grandparents and have them with us as they watched their first grandchild marry.

  • Bursting into tears when moments before we walked Cassie down the aisle, I saw my mother, brother, and sister on Zoom waiting to watch the ceremony. I missed them so, yet felt their love and support.

  • Feeling the swell of emotions as Steve and I walked Cassie down the aisle.

  • Watching Matthew’s loving expression and tears as he saw Cassie in her wedding dress for the first time.

  • During the ceremony, seeing Cassie and Matthew hold hands and stare into each other’s eyes as tears streamed down their faces.

  • Feeling grateful for our new, wonderful son.

  • Listening to the beautiful, emotional toast Allison gave to Cassie and Matthew on their wedding day.

  • Seeing the joy between Steve and Cassie during their father/daughter dance.

  • Watching how our beautiful Cassie seemed to float on air the entire day.

  • Sitting down on the sofa with Steve after everyone left, feeling exhausted, elated, and amazed at how quickly the time passed.

  • Feeling grateful for messages of love, good wishes, and support from our family and friends.

  • Realizing that our little girl is all grown up and married.

  • Feeling hope and possibilities for Cassie and Matthew for a life filled with love, connection, and family.

Madison Must Photography

Madison Must Photography

We live in challenging times. Yet even in the darkest of days, there is hope. There is love. There are possibilities. These celebratory days with Cassie and Matthew’s marriage affirmed that light, love, hope, and possibilities are present. Have you recently experienced something in your life that has inspired possibilities for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.