What is it about asking for help? Is it something you do readily? Or, do you tend to do or want to do everything yourself? There is no shame in enlisting help. So why do we procrastinate, stress, and delay getting support? As a professional organizer, I am used to receiving calls from overwhelmed folks who want help. I am also a person that at times, struggles to ask for assistance.

This happened recently to me. My mom died in March. While many of the things around her death I completed, I still have a few things to do. One of those tasks is getting her footstone made. I wanted the same company that made my father’s footstone, help make my mom’s. I obsessed about getting the footstone created and installed. I added a task to my list but kept postponing it. Maybe I wasn’t ready. Or, perhaps ordering the footstone made my mom’s death feel more final. I didn’t move forward or ask for help. I stayed stuck.

And then last week, the day arrived. The cue to work on mom’s footstone project appeared on my to-do list again. I pulled out my file, found the name and number of the monument company, picked up the phone, and dialed. Here’s the incredible thing. Within a few minutes, they knew who I was, where my mom was buried and gave me clear next steps for getting the footstone made. A half-hour later, they emailed me all of the details- the quote, forms to complete, and checks to write.

I had been stressed and obsessing for months. By enlisting help from a professional, I was able to take those next steps. Getting the process started was such a huge relief. It felt like a giant weight was lifted. I couldn’t believe how simple it was and how long I had berated myself for not getting help. One phone call yielded such comfort. 

“There is no shame in enlisting help.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

Then it hit me that mine and my clients’ experiences are similar. When potential clients contact me, they often are overwhelmed, stuck, and have felt that way for a long time. They describe reasons they procrastinate about getting help, which include:

• Embarrassed for needing help

• Despair that they feel like a lost cause

• Unsure of who to call

• Frustration that they “should” be able to get organized on their own

They feel their disorganization and situation is impossible. However, when you are willing and ready for change, movement is possible.

“When you are willing and ready for change, movement is possible.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

My clients make positive shifts during their virtual organizing sessions, and it’s a beautiful change to see. I’ve written about this before with the types of transformations they have during a typical one-hour session. Enlisting help is beneficial. Virtual organizing clients might begin their sessions feeling overwhelmed, but the story doesn’t end there. Here are some recent thoughts clients expressed at the end of their sessions:

• “I see the light at the end of the tunnel.” 

• “I know I can do it. I can pair things down.”

•  “It was kind of overwhelming but easier than I thought.”

• “Saying goodbye to the past- it felt good, cathartic.”

• “Amazing. This is such a good feeling.”

•  “My pile of ‘going’ is getting bigger.”

•  “Things feel mentally more manageable.”

•  “This feels so good what we did today. At the beginning of the session, I felt like crying. Now I feel giddy.”

Like my clients, I felt better and moved forward when I sought out help. When was the last time you reached out for support? What did you experience? Was the help you received beneficial? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation. 

Have you ever tried to create a new habit or behavior? Altering your habit cue will encourage a different result. For example, if you want to stop losing your keys, you can put a small bowl in a landing spot to catch your keys when you enter your home. The bowl becomes your new cue and helps to change your habit. No more misplaced keys because you have established a specific home where you will always find them. This sounds good, right? What happens when you successfully put your keys in the bowl for days, even months, and then one time you forget to do it? You frantically hunt for your misplaced keys and berate yourself for losing them. How do you bounce back from there? Do you give up? Do you engage in negative self-talk? Will you embrace a fresh start even after your break in continuity?

Recently, I had an upsetting experience with one of my habits. I’ve been practicing mindfulness meditation for four years. I’ve meditated almost daily with a gap here and there. For a while now, Insight Timer has been my favorite meditation app. Aside from the app offering diverse meditations and teachers to choose from, it also tracks my activity. So I know how many consecutive days I’ve meditated. To help keep me committed to my practice, I also use a daily repeat on my to-do list that cues me. 

So what happened? I intentionally deviated from my normal morning routine, including mindfulness meditation, so I could make a special birthday breakfast for my husband. My plan was to meditate later that day or at bedtime. However, the day got away from me for various reasons, and before I realized it, it was past midnight. I missed my practice that day. I’ve missed meditation practice a day or two at other times, so why was I so upset? I mentioned before that Insight Timer tracks my activity. Up until the other day, I had 390 consecutive days of practice. By missing that single day, the consecutive days counter restarted. I was so disappointed in myself. How could I have missed a day? The negative self-talk was quite insistent. And then something happened. I asked, “What lesson can I learn?” I wanted to shift my unhelpful thinking to a more positive, growth-oriented mindset.

“What lesson can I learn?”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

3 Lessons Learned From My Break in Continuity

1. It’s just a number.

Seeing the consecutive days’ number increase after each meditation gives me a motivation boost. But the reason I meditate has nothing to do with the number. I meditate to feel calmer, provide quiet space, practice focus, shift attention, and be more mindful. None of those things have anything to do with a number. I don’t meditate for the gold star or days tracked by the app. However, by missing one practice, I recognized how reliant I had become on the tracker, which wasn’t healthy.

What I know is the more I practice, the better I feel, and the more I’m able to regulate my emotions. The 390 consecutive days I practiced aren’t lost. And the meditations ahead will continue to be helpful. I reminded myself to use the tracking if it helps but recognizing it only represents a tiny part of the entire story. 

2. Understand the “what-the-hell effect.”

I recently attended a meeting with fellow Executive Mom Nest Advisor, Monica Moore, a health and fertility coach. She talked about habit change and how certain actions can derail us. Monica described the “what-the-hell effect,” a term behavioral scientists use. It’s a feeling of shame we can experience when we mess up and deviate from a habit we’ve established. For example, let’s say you committed to not eating ice cream. You successfully eliminated it from your diet. Then one day, you eat a small spoonful. Instead of stopping there, you down the entire pint thinking, “I already screwed- up, so I might as well keep going.” 

This made me think about missing my morning meditation practice. I could have gone down the “what-the-hell” path. But I rejected the ‘all or nothing’ thinking. Yes, I made one sidestep that I was unhappy about. However, I stepped back in the following day, practiced, and gifted myself a fresh start.

3. When all else fails, let go.

I woke up to face the Insight Timer app. After my morning meditation, I knew that the consecutive days displayed wouldn’t increase to 391 but would revert to just 1. Ouch. My berating began again, which wasn’t helpful. I wanted to reframe my negative thoughts. I selected one of my favorite practices, Letting Go Meditation, guided by Annemaree Rowley. Before the meditation ended, she read a poem by Erin Hanson. I love the last line, “. . . not everything you ever lose, is bound to be a loss.” How true that is. I lost consecutive day 391. However, in doing so, I strengthened my commitment to my practice, remembered my why, and let go of the negative self-talk. 

“. . . not everything you ever lose, is bound to be a loss.”

— Erin Hanson

Is it possible to embrace a fresh start, especially when your habit or goal get derailed? You always have the opportunity to begin again. When you go off course, what helps you move forward? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

The latest installment (v29) of the “What’s Interesting?” feature is here with my recent discoveries that inform, educate, and relate to organizing and life balance. I’ve included unique and inspiring, wonderfully human-related finds, which reflect this month’s blog theme. You are such a beautifully generous, warm, and engaged group. I am deeply appreciative and grateful for your presence, positive energy, and contributions to this community.

I look forward to your participation and additions to the collection I’ve sourced. What do you find interesting?

What’s Interesting? . . .

1. Interesting Read – Human Living

The pandemic encouraged many of us to examine the busyness of our lives. If you are interested in exploring a more intentional, less stressful life, this book is for you.  In Slow - Simple living for a frantic world, Brooke McAlary, author, blogger, and podcast host, shares her inspiring journey to remove the excess in her life and embrace the Slow Living movement. McAlary says, “Slowing down and simplifying aren’t centered solely on the idea of decluttering, but letting go of excess is an important part of slowing down.” McAlary’s practical advice for simpler living includes identifying your why, decluttering, de-owning, mindfulness, balance, and backsliding. She reminds us that “Perfect doesn’t exist...What does exist is honest, human imperfect change. Every tiny step matters.”  

“Perfect doesn’t exist . . . What does exist is honest, human imperfect change.””

— Brooke McAlary

2. Interesting Product – Human Habit

Wearing masks, social distancing, and regular handwashing are respectful habits we can do to keep each other healthy and safe during this pandemic. My wonderful friend and colleague, Julie Bestry, recently wrote a review of a fabulous new product, the Time Timer® WASH. Thank you, Julie! This visual and auditory timer helps kids and adults wash their hands for the proper amount of time. My favorite part about the timer is the upbeat music that accompanies the visual display. Think kitchen or bathroom dance party! The timer gives you 5 seconds to apply soap, 20 seconds to scrub your hands, and 5 seconds to rinse. The fun factor encourages a handwashing habit. Let’s do our part to help our fellow humans.

3. Interesting Research  – Human Attention

Amishi Jho, the neuroscientist, author, and associate professor of psychology at the University of Miami, studies attention. Jho and her team research VUCA (Volatility Uncertainty, Complexity, Ambiguity,) which involves “high-stress, high demand scenarios that can rapidly degrade one of our most powerful and influential brain systems: our attention.” They look at people who encounter regular VUCA conditions due to their professions, such as firefighters and soldiers. She identified that the global pandemic has all of us living with VUCA conditions. In her recent Mindful article, “You’re Overwhelmed (and it’s not your fault,)” she describes ten ways your brain reacts in VUCA situations and how regular mindfulness meditation can be the key to calming your mind and enhancing your attention. 

4. Interesting Article – Human Anticipation

Have you planned fewer (if any) events to look forward to this year because of pandemic restrictions? As a result, have you noticed a negative change in your mood? According to Dana Smith’s article, Your Brain Needs a Party, which was reprinted on the Brainfit blog, the anticipation of future events enhances your overall well-being. So if you, along with much of the country, have been feeling down, and our current situation continues to discourage having large parties or travel excursions experiment with “microdosing anticipation,” as Markham Heid suggests. Psychologist Christian Waugh encourages, “Instead of thinking big or way in the future, think smaller and closer in time.” For instance, how about planning a drive to explore local scenery, setting a date to Zoom with a treasured friend or family member, or planning a scaled-down Thanksgiving meal for your household pod. I see cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie in your future. Your brain’s “positive anticipation circuit” will reward you with the emotional boost you may be missing.

5. Interesting Thought – Human Acceptance

Life includes experiencing challenges big and small. We can be our biggest cheerleaders or worst critics when we go through struggles. Whether you are challenged by disorganization, learning difficulties, grief, or other issues, be kind to yourself. Accept your humanness. Reach out for help when you need it. And as Brene Brown says, let go of shame.

What are your interesting finds? Which of these resonate with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation!