Loss is part of the human experience. It’s one of the things we have in common with each other. When we lose someone we love, we often want to hold onto their physical possessions to remind us of them. In most situations, keeping some meaningful treasures is comforting. But what happens when your deceased loved one’s stuff overwhelms you? Maybe you are the person who is responsible for deciding what to do with their possessions. Perhaps all of their things have landed in your home, and you don’t have space, time, or energy to edit them. Maybe you’re still grieving, and it feels impossible or too soon to choose. I get it. I’ve been there personally and have walked the road with clients as they’ve faced similar circumstances.

It’s been seven months since my mom passed away. I miss her so much. I completed the editing and dispossessing process. Her lifetime of things, including her home of almost 60 years, has been sold, given to family members, donated, or discarded. I kept some furniture, art, books, jewelry, photos, memorabilia, and documents. There are still a few things I need to decide about. But mostly, her possessions and life are settled.

Beyond her stuff and physical presence, she remains with me in other ways. She visits me in my dreams. When I hear the music of Bach, Mozart, or musicals like The Sound of Music, I think of her. More recently, I was reminded about the power of the olfactory sense, which can transport us to another time in an instant. I hope my story will help you as you journey on your letting go path.

The Pine Needles

I am obsessed with the smell of the pines when I trek down the block. It’s as if I’m a huntress, hunting the scent. Several months ago, when I walked, I only smelled the pine if the wind blew in a particular way. The smell was fleeting. It was there one step and gone the next. I would back step, trying to get “it” again, but the aroma was gone. 

Why am I so obsessed? 

I have a memory from age six or seven. My parents took my siblings and me to a nature preserve for the weekend. Our car was packed with sleeping bags, slabs of wax for the lanterns, coolers, cots, and our dog, Sandy. They rented a lean-to, a three-sided, roofed structure, for our stay.

As we entered the park and drove up the road, tall, gracious pine trees marked the path on either side. My mom had my dad stop the car. She insisted we all gaze at the trees, open our windows, and take in their beautiful fragrance. My mom loved the smell. As we stood, I could hear her inhale the scent as she breathed in deeply and smiled. For those few minutes, the five of us stared and smelled as we enjoyed the moment. Whenever I smell fresh pine, I think of her.

On my walks down my block, I try to get a whiff of the trees. And every so often, I catch it. Then a few weeks ago, I noticed the dried pine needles falling in bunches to the ground. With their release came a concentrated scent. I’d walk, and there was the smell. I felt transported back to the time I had that moment with my mom so many decades ago.

She’s gone now. She left this year in March at 92 years young. But as I wander down the block, kicking the pine needles as I walk, it makes their fragrance even more intense. Gratitude and calm fill my being as I activate the aroma and feel my mom’s presence, strong like the scent of the dried pine needles.

“Gently let go when you can.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

For those of you that have lost a loved one, my heart goes out to you. If you are overwhelmed and struggling with letting go of physical possessions, I offer you this. Can you keep a few treasures and physical reminders? Can you allow the rest to move on? Your loved one’s memory will be with you in other ways through your stories, dreams, scents, sounds, and more. They wouldn’t want you to be overwhelmed or feel burdened by their stuff. Gently let go when you can.

Besides material possessions, what other ways keep you connected to your loved ones who have passed? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Last week I introduced you to my simple organizing plan experiment. I continue to let go and learn with five more discoveries to share. This low-pressure, loose plan will help me reduce the amount of stuff I own. A daily repeat on my to-do list cues me to ‘Edit & release some stuff.’  There is no expectation other than to do something. I spend 15-60 minutes editing what I feel like working on that day.

Even though our house isn’t cluttered and items have a ‘home,’ I own things that have overstayed their welcome and are no longer used, needed, or wanted. They are taking up physical and emotional space. It’s time to let them go.

This past week, my adventure continued. I edited and organized plastic containers, tea, the cobalt blue glass collection, office and school supplies, wrapping paper, personal and business papers from files and notebooks, medicine cabinets, toiletries, personal care products, and my email inbox. These items were from the kitchen, pantry, dining room, office, guest and main bathrooms, linen closet, and computer.

I let go of . . .

• Four 13-gallon bags of trash

• Three bags of paper for recycling

• One bag of paper for shredding

• One bag of school supplies for a friend

• Hundreds of emails with inbox now hovering at around 35

This low-pressure do-something-every-day-plan is working well. I previously shared seven lessons learned. My discoveries continue, and I added five new ones.

5 More Discoveries I Made With My Simple Organizing Plan

1. Find the Treasures

I didn’t set out for the decluttering process to be a treasure hunt. My focus was on finding the things I no longer wanted. To my delight, I found some jewels. No. They weren’t precious stones but were messages and remembrances from other stages. These papers affirmed the time and energy investments in my family, business, and professional development. My favorite find was from notes I wrote during a family meeting with my mom before her dementia diagnosis. She said,

“There isn’t a thing, a book, an anything I need beyond you guys and Daddy.” 

Mom valued time over stuff and people over things. What beautiful thoughts to discover at that moment. On my letting go quest, I felt my mom’s love, clarity, and encouraging support. As you edit, be on the lookout for your treasures.

2. Embrace the Easy

When you edit, some categories will be a challenge. I’ll explore more about those soon. However, other items will be effortless to decide about. They are the no-brainers. When editing the bathrooms, I found expired over-the-counter medicines. The decision to toss them was simple. Out they went. In my office, I found my old Rolodex. I hadn’t referenced it in over 15 years, and the contacts had been transferred to my digital system. It was easy and only a little painful to say “Good-bye, friend.” When I sorted the bazillion tea bags and discovered ones that no one will ever use, I let them go with no deliberation.

All of these categories were non-controversial and not emotional. And you know what? I embraced the simplicity of those choices. There was no guilt, no second-guessing, just this beautiful ease in letting go.

“There was no guilt, no second-guessing, just this beautiful ease in letting go.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

3. Allow for Space

While I let go of stuff every day, the physical volume that left this past week was less than the prior weeks. I’m getting to the more complicated, time-intensive things like papers and items with stronger emotional attachments. For example, it was difficult going through my mom’s papers since she died just four months ago. I let go of some things in my “first pass.” I gifted myself space to create some distance. When I’m ready, I’ll return at a future time for the second and possibly third round of letting go. 

I recognize that while I want to let go of many things, I may not be ready to let go of everything at once. And that’s OK. In fact, making several passes supports the low-pressure nature of the ‘Edit & release some stuff’ plan.

4. Just Show Up

Every day is different, with some more full or demanding of my energy. Despite the variables, I remain committed to editing and releasing every day. During one recent full-plate day, I had twenty minutes before I had to pick up our take-out order. Instead of starting my writing project, I used that time to work on my organizing plan. In twenty minutes, I edited and shredded a stack of papers. I checked off the task on my to-do list and felt the endorphin ping. It was a win. 

5. Inspire and Be Inspired

Inspiring cues with summer changing to fall are all around- a cooler day here, a yellow leaf there. Over these weeks, as I’ve shared my organizing process with others, something else extraordinary is happening. Clients, friends, family, and colleagues are supportive and feel inspired by my plan. They recognize that it’s doable and straightforward. How exciting to encourage and inspire people to engage in living with less.

People are also telling me about their completed or ongoing letting go experiences. They’re sharing their successes and challenges. This inspires me to keep going. I’m not alone in my quest for less. We’re in this together.

Do you have an editing story? Are you working on living with less? What helps you? Which discoveries resonate with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Letting go can be challenging, especially when we have strong emotional attachments to our things. You might wonder why you have to let go? You don’t. You always have a choice. However, there are pivotal moments in our lives when letting go is necessary and you’re struggling. Perhaps you are in the midst of a significant life change like moving or rightsizing. Maybe you lost a loved one and are responsible for editing and dispossessing their things. Or, perhaps you are overwhelmed with a mountain of belongings that no longer deserve physical or mental space in your life. When we combine emotional transitions with a propensity for strong attachments to our stuff, letting go can be difficult.

Minimalist Leo Babauta wrote something, which resonated with me. He referred to “the skill of letting go.”  All skills require practice. His description is infused with hope. It suggests that even if you are struggling with letting go, you can practice and improve. This is something I’ve experienced with my clients. The more they work at letting go, the less challenging it becomes.

4 Ways to Let Go of Things When Emotional Attachments are Powerful

1. Exercise Letting Go Muscles

I’ve always perceived letting go as a muscle that needs to be exercised like other muscles. However, we wouldn’t start lifting with a 100 lb. weight. We’d start small, maybe with a five-pounder, and build from there. This thought process is similar to letting go of the things we’re attached to. Exercise your letting go muscles by starting with the “lighter-weight” possessions like clothing or junk mail. Get a letting go rhythm established and work your way to the “heavier-weight” items that you feel more emotionally connected. Like most of us starting an exercise routine, it’s helpful to have an accountability partner or trainer. For help exercising your letting go muscles, hire a professional organizer like me, or work with a trusted friend or family member. It can make all the difference.

2. Normalize Emotional Attachments

It is prevalent, especially with people challenged by disorganization, to have strong emotional attachments to things. When attachments are heightened, identify and display your most valued treasures, set boundaries around what “enough” means, and use physical boundary parameters like a box or closet size. For items that get released, make the “homes” they go meaningful and that the places or people they are donated or given to will appreciate them. All of these things will make letting go easier to process.

“Letting go can be challenging, especially when we have strong emotional attachments to our things.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

3. Incentivize Letting Go

When we invite people over for a small gathering (tiny these days because of the pandemic,) what happens? Most of us become motivated to make our home guest-ready. This can include cleaning, decluttering, and letting go. Establishing a manufactured date can boost incentive for getting your home “good enough” for your company. Consider increasing the frequency of invitations to friends and family (using COVID safety protocols) as a dual incentive- more socializing time and increased opportunities to sort, edit, organize, and let go.

4. Minimize Kinesthetic Sympathy

When we physically touch things, it can increase our emotional attachment to them. This is the premise of kinesthetic sympathy. If you can, work with someone who can physically hold up the items for you while selecting what to keep or release. Putting physical distance and touch between you and the object can make decision-making more manageable. Physical space decreases emotional attachment and helps distinguish what is most treasured from the things that are no longer needed.

Do you or someone you know feel challenged with letting go? Do emotional attachments make it harder to let go? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.