Do you feel more stressed during the holiday season? What is the source? Holiday-related stress might revolve around travel planning, gift-giving, card-writing, decorating, over-committing, or entertaining.

As someone who enjoys and has hosted many gatherings, I continually work on reducing stress. Experience helps. The more I do something, the easier and less stressful it becomes, and the better I am at planning and navigating surprises. However, a more significant aspect is mindset. If I keep telling myself how stressed I am, what happens? I reinforce that feeling.

What is Scruffy Hospitality?

Recently, I heard about “scruffy hospitality,” which is a more relaxed approach to entertaining. It’s a practice and also a mindset. The idea is to prioritize connection and conversation over obsession with creating picture-perfect environments and Instagram-worthy meals. The concept includes having people over without cleaning up first and approaching food more simply. Instead of making elaborate dishes, ‘scruffy’ entertaining loves potlucks, leftovers, and takeout.

While “scruffy hospitality” was coined a decade ago by Jack King, an Anglican priest from Tennessee, it has received more attention in the last few years. It rejects unrealistic social media standards that create pressure on us to be “perfect hosts.” Scruffy hospitality is a nod to embracing imperfection and authenticity. These involve letting go.

For this holiday season, especially if you’re stressed, I encourage you to incorporate some ‘scruffy’ into your life. It will look different for each person. Consider how beneficial scruffy hospitality could be for reducing your stress.

As a seasoned host, ‘scruffy’ isn’t a term I naturally associate with entertaining. I like to clean and prepare. Don’t get me started on my to-do lists. I enjoy the visual aspect of decorating the tables, arranging flowers, and creating colorfully plated dishes. Those aspects aren’t stressful for me. However, those and other aspects of entertaining might be stressful for you. And if it is, some of the suggestions below can help.

11 Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress by Embracing Scruffy Hospitality

• Reframe Clean – Do a quick clean instead of a deep one. Or hire someone else to clean.
  

• Organize Less – Declutter the dining room only, leaving all other areas in their ‘as is’ state.

• Recruit Help – Ask guests to bring parts of the meal.

• Minimize Decor – There is no need to go wild. A single plant, a small vase of flowers, a bowl of fruit, or an arrangement of gourds is a minimalist way to decorate a table. You can also leave things bare.

• Be Present – Cook with your guests instead of preparing things in advance.
  

• Try Self-Serve – Set up your food buffet-style rather than as a plated, sit-down meal.

• Don’t Cook – Forget about cooking anything. Purchase the entire meal or a few dishes.
  

• Do Less - Simplify your menu with fewer choices or prepare dishes requiring minimal ingredients.
  

• Dress Down – Be comfortable and show up as you are. No fancy clothes are required.
  

• Reduce Scope – Fewer guests can make the gathering more manageable. Dial down your invite list to reflect your ideal number of guests.

• Simplify Gift Giving – Focus on clutter-less gifts for you and the recipients. Give meaningful time-centered gifts like movie tickets, museum passes, or personal care services.

“Scruffy hospitality is a nod to embracing imperfection and authenticity.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVOP™

How I’m Incorporating Scruffy Hospitality This Season

One thing I decided to do differently this year is not to bake the apple and pumpkin pies. Instead, our daughter generously offered to make pies. While I’ve always baked, removing the pie-baking task frees up some time and reduces stress around coordinating kitchen usage with my husband. We share cooking for Thanksgiving and work around each other’s schedules and tasks. No pie baking this year means I’ll eliminate the stress of negotiating for counter, oven, and refrigerator space.

The other area where ‘scruffy’ applies is the number of guests. We love having a houseful of family and friends for the holidays. However, some guests have health issues or scheduling conflicts this year. While we’ll miss them greatly on Thanksgiving, fewer guests give me more time to talk with people. Managing the flow of the space is less stressful with fewer people, too.

Human-Considered Holidays

The holidays don’t have to be stressful. There are many ways to increase joy and minimize stress. How can you relax your approach to holiday hospitality? What will help you make it more joy-filled and less stressful? I’d love to hear your thoughts and invite you to join the conversation.

Do you want help decluttering, organizing, brainstorming, or planning? Do you need an accountability partner? I’m here for you. Virtual organizing is an extraordinary path forward - A local feel with a global reach.

Please schedule a Discovery Call, email me at linda@ohsorganized.com, or call 914-271-5673. Organization and ease are possible, especially with support.

This week is Thanksgiving. We’re experiencing a collective array of emotions such as sadness and disappointment because we can’t celebrate in person with our family and friends. Or, on the other end of the spectrum, we might feel joy and resolve that we’ve figured out new ways to mark the holidays. This isn’t a normal holiday season with the pandemic still in full force. I don’t know about you, but as someone who looks forward to our family tradition of hosting a large Thanksgiving gathering, I struggled with not having it this year.

Recently, during a conversation with our oldest daughter, Allison, she said that we’re experiencing a collective cognitive dissonance. What our heart wants and what our mind knows the safe choice to be is in conflict. In that one sentence, she summed up what I was feeling. This push-pull of what I wanted versus what I knew was the right thing to do. I’m not judging. People will decide what “right” means for them. For our family, it meant not having an in-person gathering.

How do we shift from a place of sadness to one where we can enjoy this season in the midst of a pandemic? I have a five ideas to help. I’d love to know what you are experiencing and planning, so please share your stories too.

5 Ways to Enjoy Pandemic-Time Holidays

Express Gratitude

We often refer to this time of year as the season of gratitude. Let’s focus on gratitude for what is, instead of what isn’t. We can feel grateful for the people we love, even if we can’t be physically together. Those who have found ways to safely gather, and we can be grateful for our smaller pods. Gratitude is present in our connections, love, good health, breath, and humanity. There is so much to be grateful for, even during a pandemic. 

Give Permission

My friend and colleague, Yota Schneider, offered a “Home for the Holidays” retreat to create a space for people to process their thoughts and feelings about this atypical holiday season. I signed up, and it was just what I needed. I felt camaraderie with the other attendees as we shared our challenges, ideas, and possibilities. Yota is so wise. She said, “Our capacity for love and celebration cannot be diminished.” She asked us to consider, “Can I give myself permission to celebrate in a new way?”  At that moment, something released within me. I wrote down, “Permission granted.  – Linda S.” That single question helped me open my heart and thoughts, and to gift myself permission to lean into celebration without judgment, doubt, or reservation.

“Our capacity for love and celebration cannot be diminished.”

— Yota Schneider

Get Creative

Maybe you’re like me, and you’re not having a large Thanksgiving gathering this year. My husband and I have hosted this holiday for many years, and it’s one we love and look forward to. To keep everyone safe, we knew it was a no-go. With help from our daughters, we figured out another way of celebrating. We’re having a virtual Thanksgiving meal with our daughters and their partners.

We’ll cook in advance in our own homes. We’ve exchanged one recipe each and will make those basic four recipes and then anything else we want for our meals. We’ll have the same “shared” food and some different dishes too- sausage stuffing from Steve, a special salad from Allison, brown butter cardamom cookies from Cassie, and cranberry sauce from yours truly. Then on Zoom, we’ll eat, talk, toast from our homes, and be together in a safe yet connected way.

We also set up two Zoom calls for the Friday after Thanksgiving to “be together” with our kids, siblings, nieces, and nephews.

Make Favorites

Aside from being with family and friends, Thanksgiving is about the food. I’m salivating just thinking about the smells and tastes of turkey, gravy, stuffing, cranberry sauce, sweet potatoes, and apple and pumpkin pies. Steve and I realized that we could still make our favorite dishes even if we didn’t have the entire crew over. Why not? Since it will just be the two of us, I thought that I should scale back and only make one pie. But I’m going to lean in, go for it, and make both. It’s not just about eating, but the enjoyment of baking too. We’ll have lots of yummy leftovers.

“The initial sadness for not being able to gather has morphed into positive anticipation for the ways we’ve reimagined the holiday.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Anticipate Celebration

The unexpected outcome is that I’m now enjoying texting, emailing, and talking with the family about our virtual get-togethers and plans. Everyone is happy that we’ve found a way to share the love and connect, even from a distance. My heart feels full, like it usually does before, during, and after in-person events. I’m feeling that holiday spirit and extra warmth that comes from spending time with our family. The initial sadness for not being able to gather has morphed into positive anticipation. I’m looking forward to the way we reimagined Thanksgiving this year. 

How are you doing with your holiday planning? Will your holidays be different this year, or the same as usual? What changes have you made? What are you looking forward to? I’d love to hear your thoughts and stories. I invite you to join the conversation.