A while back, I received an email from Soren Gordhamer, an entrepreneur and founder of the Wisdom 2.0 Conference. He wrote,

“Two things are pretty clear:

 We have limited heartbeats in this life.

 And

 We never know when our last heartbeat will be.”

If that’s not a call to be intentional and focus on what matters most, I don’t know what is. When thinking about creating a better, happier life balance, framing it in the context of our limited time can help.

Are you spending time and emotional energy on things that are within or out of your control? Are you stressing about ‘what ifs, shoulds, and if only?’  Or are you focused on those things that are doable, bring you joy, and make life flow better?

You have choices, which is a good thing.

Circles of Influence and Control

This idea of limited time connects to another concept I was recently reminded of in To Do – 41 Tools to Start, Stick With, and Finish Things by Mikael Krogerus and Roman Tshchappeler.

They shared a Steven Covey concept from his classic book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It is the“circles of influence and control” technique to “help whenever we feel ineffectual, powerless or frustrated.” It’s also an excellent exercise for infusing better balance and focus into your days.

How to Create Your Circles – What You Can and Can’t Change

As the illustration below shows, draw three concentric circles.

1. Outer: Circle of Concern

• Anything you have no control over belongs in the “concern” circle.

• List several “things that bother you but you can’t do anything about.” Examples include:

  • Past events

  • The political climate

  • Natural disasters

  • Other people’s flaws

2. Center: Circle of Control

• List several things you have agency over. These could be:

  • What you eat

  • Amount of sleep you get

  • People you hang out with

  • Amount of organization you have

  • Books you read

  • Movies you watch

• Some might seem trivial, but they significantly influence our lives. Add these to your “control” list.

“There’s immense power in knowing which things in our lives we can and can’t control.”

— Mikael Krogerus and Roman Tschappeler

3. Middle: Circle of Influence

• Include here things that aren’t in your control, yet you might be able to influence through your attitude or behavior. For example,

  • It’s impossible to “single-handedly avert climate change, but you can do something about it by living sustainably.”

  • You cannot “change your genes, but you can exercise regularly and eat more healthfully.”

  • You have no power over circle of concern events. However, you can influence or change your reaction to them.

How Does This Exercise Help?

The more you focus on those things you have no control over (circle of concern), the “more helpless and ineffectual you’ll feel.” However, when you focus on what is within your control (circle of influence and circle of control,) “the more confident and less anxious you’ll be.”

This exercise can heighten your awareness of how you’re spending your precious time. Focusing on areas you have agency and influence over can tip the balance in a more positive direction.

A Balanced Life Approach

You only go around once. How can you balance your days to include those things within your control and influence? What can you improve? What can you let go of?  I’d love to hear your thoughts and invite you to join the conversation.

Do you want help decluttering, organizing, planning, or finding a right balance for you? I’d love to help and I’m here for you. Virtual organizing is an extraordinary path forward – A local feel with a global reach.

Please schedule a Discovery Call, email me at linda@ohsorganized.com, or call 914-271-5673. Organization, balance, and ease are possible, especially with support.

What does spaciousness mean to you? When our minds, rooms, and schedules are cluttered and overflowing with thoughts, stuff, and obligations, it can be challenging to find expansiveness. As humans, having spaciousness, in whatever form it appears, can be beneficial. You will experience less stress, improved mental well-being, greater creativity and productivity, and improved accessibility. What if you had more spaciousness in your life?

This morning, my guided mindfulness meditation practice reinforced my need for open expanses during the week. While I do well with a schedule, I also crave moments when I’m not on the clock. Yesterday was one of those days. Sure, it was the weekend, when days can be more open, although we often are busy doing things. However, yesterday was my birthday.

My husband Steve and I took the day off to play and suspended doing any work or house stuff. I can’t tell you how much I appreciated and enjoyed having a day like that. We had a loose plan. We walked along the Hudson River, ate at one of my favorite Italian restaurants, and saw a movie.

Space to Enjoy The Moments

There was no rushing. We enjoyed each thing until we were ready to move on. We had plenty of time to be present with what we were doing and each other. I also had space to soak in all the loving birthday messages from family and friends.

Happier Hour author Cassie Holmes, Ph.D., said, “The mosaic you create is the magnificent life you get to live.” What will you include in your artwork? What will you release?

“The mosaic you create is the magnificent life you get to live.”

— Cassie Holmes Ph.D.

The Value of Spaciousness

Why is any of this important? Being intentional about creating space will help you enjoy and appreciate life more. Consider how adding more white space will make the holiday season more enjoyable and less stressful. Whether you are hosting, going to gatherings, traveling, or staying put, spaciousness is your friend. What would it be like to have uncluttered spaces, clarity of thought, and time for what’s most important to you?   

This week, I invite you to clear some clutter, do a brain dump, or block out unscheduled space in your schedule. What will be possible when you eliminate rushing? What will become possible when you clear the landscape within and without?

I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Mindfulness strengthens awareness, which filters into all aspects of life. Mindfulness can influence how you approach moment-to-moment experiences, your choices, and how intentional (or not) you are. Bringing a mindful approach to people, places, and things enhances your wellbeing.

Intertwined with mindfulness is a question that my good friend and life coach, Yota Schneider, offered recently. I first heard her question during a retreat she facilitated. Yota also wrote about it in her recent blog post, The Power of the Questions We Ask Ourselves. So what is this profound question? She asked, “Is it necessary?”

I love how the query brings mindful attention and focus to your thinking. The question cuts through the noise and is universally applicable. It allows for a gentle opening, which creates a path for positive, intentional choices. Many things in life are unnecessary, like unhelpful thoughts, physical stuff that blocks your space, calendar clutter, or relationships that drain rather than energize you.

The beauty of Yota’s question also encourages you to also answer the opposite one; What is necessary? When you let go of the unessential, unproductive, and damaging stuff, you create room for remarkable possibilities and a life filled with the things you purposefully choose.

“Is it necessary?”

— Yota Schneider

Going back to Yota’s retreat, she guided us in a group meditation with the “Is it necessary?” prompt. After, we wrote about what surfaced during our practice. Below is a personal journal entry from that experience where I reflected on “necessary.”

Linda’s Journal Entry

Is it necessary? Breathing? Most definitely necessary. Resting? Yes, yes, and yes! Having quiet? Not always, but sometimes like tonight, so needed and lovely. As I relaxed in the silence of the meditation, I drifted and then floated. Where did I go? It was a still, peaceful, calm place. No demands on myself or the time. A feeling of being. I might have drifted off here or there. When I returned, my awareness was of stillness- no sound or sensations, no attention to my breath. It felt necessary. Needed. So needed.

What isn’t necessary? The negative self-talk, doubt, and feeling of not knowing what to do next. When I’m in ‘focus mode,’ doubt generally recedes. I feel the momentum and motivation to move towards that thing, goal, or destination. I’m on the journey, a path of discovery and action.

But when the wind changes, and it does, I head in the not necessary direction. The breeze took me there today for a portion of my day. The plan for the day veered off course, and so did my thoughts- the unnecessary, unhelpful ones.

Slowly, after two good walks, a few meals, and snacks, I willed myself back. I let go of the doubt or suspended it long enough to take one step. That led to another and back to where I wanted to be. Is it necessary to course correct? Sometimes it is because it’s impossible to be at 100% capacity 100% of the time.

Is it necessary? Breathing? Yes. Resting? Yes. Making a distinction between the essential and not necessary? A resounding yes!

How does mindfulness influence your decision-making? When you think about the choices before you, will you use the question- Is it necessary? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

The latest installment (v29) of the “What’s Interesting?” feature is here with my recent discoveries that inform, educate, and relate to organizing and life balance. I’ve included unique and inspiring, wonderfully human-related finds, which reflect this month’s blog theme. You are such a beautifully generous, warm, and engaged group. I am deeply appreciative and grateful for your presence, positive energy, and contributions to this community.

I look forward to your participation and additions to the collection I’ve sourced. What do you find interesting?

What’s Interesting? . . .

1. Interesting Read – Human Living

The pandemic encouraged many of us to examine the busyness of our lives. If you are interested in exploring a more intentional, less stressful life, this book is for you.  In Slow - Simple living for a frantic world, Brooke McAlary, author, blogger, and podcast host, shares her inspiring journey to remove the excess in her life and embrace the Slow Living movement. McAlary says, “Slowing down and simplifying aren’t centered solely on the idea of decluttering, but letting go of excess is an important part of slowing down.” McAlary’s practical advice for simpler living includes identifying your why, decluttering, de-owning, mindfulness, balance, and backsliding. She reminds us that “Perfect doesn’t exist...What does exist is honest, human imperfect change. Every tiny step matters.”  

“Perfect doesn’t exist . . . What does exist is honest, human imperfect change.””

— Brooke McAlary

2. Interesting Product – Human Habit

Wearing masks, social distancing, and regular handwashing are respectful habits we can do to keep each other healthy and safe during this pandemic. My wonderful friend and colleague, Julie Bestry, recently wrote a review of a fabulous new product, the Time Timer® WASH. Thank you, Julie! This visual and auditory timer helps kids and adults wash their hands for the proper amount of time. My favorite part about the timer is the upbeat music that accompanies the visual display. Think kitchen or bathroom dance party! The timer gives you 5 seconds to apply soap, 20 seconds to scrub your hands, and 5 seconds to rinse. The fun factor encourages a handwashing habit. Let’s do our part to help our fellow humans.

3. Interesting Research  – Human Attention

Amishi Jho, the neuroscientist, author, and associate professor of psychology at the University of Miami, studies attention. Jho and her team research VUCA (Volatility Uncertainty, Complexity, Ambiguity,) which involves “high-stress, high demand scenarios that can rapidly degrade one of our most powerful and influential brain systems: our attention.” They look at people who encounter regular VUCA conditions due to their professions, such as firefighters and soldiers. She identified that the global pandemic has all of us living with VUCA conditions. In her recent Mindful article, “You’re Overwhelmed (and it’s not your fault,)” she describes ten ways your brain reacts in VUCA situations and how regular mindfulness meditation can be the key to calming your mind and enhancing your attention. 

4. Interesting Article – Human Anticipation

Have you planned fewer (if any) events to look forward to this year because of pandemic restrictions? As a result, have you noticed a negative change in your mood? According to Dana Smith’s article, Your Brain Needs a Party, which was reprinted on the Brainfit blog, the anticipation of future events enhances your overall well-being. So if you, along with much of the country, have been feeling down, and our current situation continues to discourage having large parties or travel excursions experiment with “microdosing anticipation,” as Markham Heid suggests. Psychologist Christian Waugh encourages, “Instead of thinking big or way in the future, think smaller and closer in time.” For instance, how about planning a drive to explore local scenery, setting a date to Zoom with a treasured friend or family member, or planning a scaled-down Thanksgiving meal for your household pod. I see cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie in your future. Your brain’s “positive anticipation circuit” will reward you with the emotional boost you may be missing.

5. Interesting Thought – Human Acceptance

Life includes experiencing challenges big and small. We can be our biggest cheerleaders or worst critics when we go through struggles. Whether you are challenged by disorganization, learning difficulties, grief, or other issues, be kind to yourself. Accept your humanness. Reach out for help when you need it. And as Brene Brown says, let go of shame.

What are your interesting finds? Which of these resonate with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation!