Posts tagged regret
Ways to Easily Make Next Step by Joyfully Losing Your Negative List

Yes. It’s still officially winter, and our recent run of several warm days has reverted to colder temperatures. Despite the fluctuating thermometer, I notice hopeful signs of spring as nature begins its blooming ritual. Frequent sightings of green plants push through the ground to greet the blue sun-filled sky. They don’t hesitate. After being dormant for months, rejoining life with gusto is their next step.

Nature’s confident growth got me thinking about things that prevent us from moving forward.

  • How about the mile-long to-do list?

  • Is yours dormant and paralyzing?

  • Or are you actively working on it?

  • Is your list meaningful and necessary?

  • Or is it filled with tasks that aren’t essential and you don’t care about?

  • Is your list so daunting that it brings up negative feelings, regret, and disappointment?

  • Or instead does it inspire you to act?

If you are struggling to determine your next step, here is a novel idea: Lose your ‘negative list.’ Crumple it up, let it go, and say buh-bye! That might sound radical, and perhaps it is. But can you imagine doing it anyway? And if you did, what might happen?

 

What’s On Your Negative List

Things holding you back can be concrete or emotional. They might include things like:

  • Thought loops with messages such as “I can’t” or “I’m not good enough”

  • Projects that would be nice to do, but realistically you’ll never get to

  • Thank you notes that are years overdue

  • Plans you wanted to make with friends or family, but never did

  • Piles of magazines with articles to clip and file

  • Stuff inherited from other people’s lives to sort and edit

  • Papers and objects representing previous careers or life stages to curate and edit

Without realizing it, I had a negative list. It included feeling bad about not yet:

 

 

Make Your Next Step Easier

It may sound too simplistic to lose or release your negative list. However, recognizing how it might be holding you back makes it worth trying.

Maybe you’ll decide you still want to attend to some things on that list. And if so, perhaps a reframe of how you think about that ‘thing’ will make the difference. For example, instead of the projects you’ll never get to demotivating you, celebrate the ones you have accomplished. Review the remaining ones to decide if one is worth pursuing. If so, think about it as a project you get to, not have to do. Release the rest.

As Oliver Burkeman says in Four Thousand Weeks, our time is limited. “The average human lifespan is absurdly, terrifyingly, insultingly short.” We will never get everything done or be able to pursue every possibility that exists. Burkeman says, “we’ve been granted the mental capacities to make almost infinitely ambitious plans, yet practically no time at all to put them into action.”

Recognizing these limitations can be freeing. Don’t try to do everything. Instead, let go of what is holding you back and pursue what’s most meaningful and necessary.

Selecting next will become easier. Guilt will be gone. Action and intention will rule the day. What comes next will be joyfully embraced once you are unencumbered by the lingering tasks you’ve chosen to release from your list.

The average human lifespan is absurdly, terrifyingly, insultingly short.
— Oliver Burkeman

What’s Next?

I might forgo choosing a new word and motto this year and even skip a deeper review of 2024. Just considering that option makes me feel lighter and more energetic. After all, I imposed these things on myself, and I can just as quickly release them from my list.

My next steps will prioritize energizing and nourishing actions, projects, and ideas. What will be next for you? What can you release that is holding you back? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

 

  

How Can I Help?

Do you want support organizing, planning, or figuring out your next step? I’d love to help! Virtual organizing is an extraordinary path forward – local feel with a global reach.

Please schedule a Discovery Call, email me at linda@ohsorganized.com, or call 914-271-5673. Change is possible, especially with support.

 
 
Is Activating Courageous Subtraction One of the Best Clutter Strategies?

Clutter has many sources. It can be internal, such as in mind clutter, or external, like physical things or spaces. Clutter can also appear in your schedule. Believe it or not, it’s beneficial when you’re bothered and stressed by clutter. Why? You’re at a tipping point, which means you’re more likely to make a positive change.

In last week’s blog, I shared my latest clutter discoveries. In the comments, one of my wonderful friends and colleagues, Seana Turner, mentioned an idea from The Happiness of Subtraction episode on The Happiness Lab podcast hosted by Dr. Laurie Santos. I was intrigued, so I listened to the podcast, which inspired this post.

In the episode, Laurie talked with Tim Harford, author of Messy, about the value of subtraction and how it can enhance one's life. He noted that often, people tend to add more instead of taking things away. Does this sound familiar?

  • You take on one more commitment you don’t have time for.

  • You purchase more pants and shirts and stuff them into a closet overflowing with clothes.

  • You fill your vacation itinerary with so many places to visit that you’re too exhausted to enjoy the trip.

  • You go to another tag sale and bring home “bargains” you don’t have space for and will never use.

  • You enroll your kids in so many extracurricular activities that they feel overwhelmed and anxious without downtime.

 

The Big Clutter Question

During the podcast, Laurie asked a thought-provoking question:

“If forced to take one thing away, what would it be?”

I’ve been mulling this over for a few days. Except for the word “forced,” I love the question. It asks you to look directly at the extras in your life.

  • What is putting you over the edge?

  • What ‘one thing’ can be released?

  • What ‘one thing’ no longer belongs?

  • What can go?

You are the decision-maker. No one is forcing you. Instead, view this as an opportunity. This is your opening to make a change. Release the things holding you back.

 



“Opportunity Cost”

Tim talked about how something has an “opportunity cost.” For example, “…everything you say yes to is getting in the way of something else.” The idea is to subtract as much as possible to make space for the “good stuff.”

  • What are you “over-subscribed” to?

  • What can you remove from your schedule?

  • How does saying no make space for saying yes to what you value most?

  • What could you be doing if you subtracted something else?

 

Subtraction lets you create space for what you treasure most.
— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVOP™

  

“Yes-Damn” Effect

Laurie discussed the familiar “yes-damn” effect from Hal Hershfield’s book Your Future Self about our time biases. This has probably happened to you before. Laurie said you get asked:

  • “Hey, do you wanna do this presentation?

  • Or Hey, do you wanna go to this kind of not very interesting dinner party?

  • Or Hey, do you wanna sign up for something in your schedule and you feel kind of bad?

  • So you’re like, yes.

  • Then weeks later, that project or that dinner party comes up and that’s where you say, damn.”

You said yes to something, and time passed. When you see it on your schedule, you regret the yes and are annoyed at yourself.

 

 

“No-Yay” Effect

Laurie prefers and uses a different strategy. Through “periodic reminders,” the “no-yay” effect reinforces the reward of saying no.

She shares this example. Let’s say someone asks you if you want to do a specific project, and you know the due date. You know you don’t want to do it, so you say no.

You could leave it there, at your no. Instead, you take it one step further. On the project’s due date, you write on your calendar, “Hey Laura, you didn’t have to do the project this day.”

Time elapses. You arrive at that future due date, see your note, and recognize how much harder things would have been if you had committed to doing that project. “And then you have the experience of the yay.”


Clutter shows up in our minds, schedules, and homes. Feeling bothered is a positive because it’s your cue for change. Subtraction lets you create space for what you treasure most.

What are you ready to subtract? If you need help making a plan or decluttering, reach out anytime. Please email me, Linda, at linda@ohsorganized.com, call 914-271-5673, or schedule a Discovery Call. Decluttering is possible, especially with support.

 
7 Best Organizing Self-Help Discoveries Made With My New Simple Plan
7 Best Organizing Self-Help Discoveries Made With My New Simple Plan

For almost three decades, I’ve enthusiastically helped people edit and get organized. Recently, I’ve become my own client and leaned into some organizing self-help. My motivation to let go of the extraneous was partially influenced by this summer’s tiny house vacation. While I no longer am obsessed with moving into a tiny house, I want to live in our right-sized house, but with less stuff.

Our home isn’t disorganized or cluttered. Things have a place. My husband, Steve, and I can easily retrieve and return items to their designated ‘homes.’  However, there are belongings that have overstayed their welcome. Those are the things that have been stored for a long time and are no longer used, needed, or wanted. They are taking up physical and emotional space. Their time has come to move on.

After returning from vacation, I set a long-term goal to reduce the amount of stuff I own. My plan isn’t a detailed room-by-room-do-this-by-x-date proposition. It’s a low-pressure, loose plan. I added one simple daily repeat on my to-do list that says, “Edit & release some stuff.”  There is no expectation other than to do something. I spend 15-60 minutes editing what I feel like working on that day.

In the last two weeks, I edited and organized clothing, shoes, handbags, toiletries, cleaning products, paper goods, dishes, and glasses. Additional edits included candles, vases, office supplies, books, photos, cards, letters, memorabilia, personal and business files, and email inbox. These items were from the dining room, entryway, laundry room, kitchen, office, main bedroom, and bathrooms.


I let go of

  • Five 13-gallon bags of trash

  • Two 30-gallon bags of trash

  • Two 30-gallon bags of clothing and home goods for donations

  • One bag of books for donations

  • One bag of paper for recycling

  • One bag of paper for shredding

  • One container of pens for a friend

Like with all experiments, come learning. My ‘edit & release some stuff’ plan is no exception. There will be more insights, but here are seven discoveries I made so far.


7 Best Organizing Self-Help Discoveries Made With My New Simple Plan

1. Track Your Progress

There are many ways to enjoy progress, but for me, tracking with a simple chart helps me review and acknowledge my accomplishments. I created a Word document with three columns- date, area worked on, and result. Taking photos or journaling can also be helpful.

 

2. Respect Random Approach

Typical organizing wisdom encourages us to organize one area before moving on to the next. I’ve shared that advice with many clients. However, as logical as that sounds, it’s not always possible or desirable. Clients sometimes get bored working in one area or encounter emotionally charged belongings they are not ready to organize. With my approach, I gifted myself the option for randomness. Instead of a specific plan of what to edit each day, I let myself choose more intuitively. Which area do I feel like working on today? It keeps the pressure low and the satisfaction high.

  

3. Honor Your Emotions

Is organizing emotional? It can be. While editing, I experienced a range of feelings like happiness, joy, sadness, ambivalence, resistance, frustration, annoyance, guilt, exhaustion, satisfaction, and love. I let my emotions have the space to surface. When editing my cards, I found a beautiful, love-filled note written by my mom for my 40th birthday. I felt sad that she is gone and simultaneously felt her love and encouragement. 

 

4. Trust the Exit

Honestly, if I wasn’t logging my progress and noting the stuff I said goodbye to, I wouldn’t remember what was gone. I have no regrets and don’t miss anything that I released. It feels good.

It’s liberating to live with less.
— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO™

5. Live With Less

As each area or space is edited, I appreciate having less. For example, when I open the sticky note drawer, only my favorites are there, and the never-used ones are gone. When I get dressed, the clothes I like and wear most are in my closets and drawers. They have space to breathe, and it makes it easier for me to select what I’m going to wear. It’s liberating to live with less.

 

6. Rethink Your Space

One of the benefits of letting go is the opportunity to rethink your space. Having less visual and physical clutter makes it easier to improve flow and organization.  As I released stuff, I cleaned and asked a few questions. Is the space working as is? Or, could it use a slight tweak? Some areas were set. However, for others, I made improvements. For example, after the kitchen edit, I inserted freestanding cabinet shelves. This made use of wasted vertical space and also improved access to frequently used dishes.

  

7. Engage Self or Outside Help

While I’m making progress, I recognize the value of enlisting help. While I have released a lot, I’m pretty sure if someone supported and asked me questions as I edited, I’d let go of more. Help with facilitating decision-making is invaluable. For now, I continue to go it alone, coaching myself through the process. I will leave the door open to reach out for help if needed.

Have you been editing and organizing? Are you doing it on your own or did you get help? What did you learn? Did any of my discoveries resonate with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

 
 
What Are Today's Interesting Finds? - v29
What Are Today’s Interesting Finds? - v29

The latest installment (v29) of the “What’s Interesting?” feature is here with my recent discoveries that inform, educate, and relate to organizing and life balance. I’ve included unique and inspiring, wonderfully human-related finds, which reflect this month’s blog theme. You are such a beautifully generous, warm, and engaged group. I am deeply appreciative and grateful for your presence, positive energy, and contributions to this community.

I look forward to your participation and additions to the collection I’ve sourced. What do you find interesting?

What’s Interesting? . . .

1. Interesting Read – Human Living

SlowResilience by Linda Graham, MFT

The pandemic encouraged many of us to examine the busyness of our lives. If you are interested in exploring a more intentional, less stressful life, this book is for you.  In Slow - Simple living for a frantic world, Brooke McAlary, author, blogger, and podcast host, shares her inspiring journey to remove the excess in her life and embrace the Slow Living movement. McAlary says, “Slowing down and simplifying aren’t centered solely on the idea of decluttering, but letting go of excess is an important part of slowing down.” McAlary’s practical advice for simpler living includes identifying your why, decluttering, de-owning, mindfulness, balance, and backsliding. She reminds us that “Perfect doesn’t exist...What does exist is honest, human imperfect change. Every tiny step matters.”  

Perfect doesn’t exist . . . What does exist is honest, human imperfect change.”
— Brooke McAlary



2. Interesting Product – Human Habit

Time Timer® WASH

Wearing masks, social distancing, and regular handwashing are respectful habits we can do to keep each other healthy and safe during this pandemic. My wonderful friend and colleague, Julie Bestry, recently wrote a review of a fabulous new product, the Time Timer® WASH. Thank you, Julie! This visual and auditory timer helps kids and adults wash their hands for the proper amount of time. My favorite part about the timer is the upbeat music that accompanies the visual display. Think kitchen or bathroom dance party! The timer gives you 5 seconds to apply soap, 20 seconds to scrub your hands, and 5 seconds to rinse. The fun factor encourages a handwashing habit. Let’s do our part to help our fellow humans.

 

 

3. Interesting Research  – Human Attention

VUCA research by Amishi Jho

Amishi Jho, the neuroscientist, author, and associate professor of psychology at the University of Miami, studies attention. Jho and her team research VUCA (Volatility Uncertainty, Complexity, Ambiguity,) which involves “high-stress, high demand scenarios that can rapidly degrade one of our most powerful and influential brain systems: our attention.” They look at people who encounter regular VUCA conditions due to their professions, such as firefighters and soldiers. She identified that the global pandemic has all of us living with VUCA conditions. In her recent Mindful article, “You’re Overwhelmed (and it’s not your fault,)” she describes ten ways your brain reacts in VUCA situations and how regular mindfulness meditation can be the key to calming your mind and enhancing your attention. 

 

 

4. Interesting Article – Human Anticipation

Your Brain Needs a Party by Dana Smith

Have you planned fewer (if any) events to look forward to this year because of pandemic restrictions? As a result, have you noticed a negative change in your mood? According to Dana Smith’s article, Your Brain Needs a Party, which was reprinted on the Brainfit blog, the anticipation of future events enhances your overall well-being. So if you, along with much of the country, have been feeling down, and our current situation continues to discourage having large parties or travel excursions experiment with “microdosing anticipation,” as Markham Heid suggests. Psychologist Christian Waugh encourages, “Instead of thinking big or way in the future, think smaller and closer in time.” For instance, how about planning a drive to explore local scenery, setting a date to Zoom with a treasured friend or family member, or planning a scaled-down Thanksgiving meal for your household pod. I see cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie in your future. Your brain’s “positive anticipation circuit” will reward you with the emotional boost you may be missing.

 

 

5. Interesting Thought – Human Acceptance

“What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human.” - Brene Brown

Life includes experiencing challenges big and small. We can be our biggest cheerleaders or worst critics when we go through struggles. Whether you are challenged by disorganization, learning difficulties, grief, or other issues, be kind to yourself. Accept your humanness. Reach out for help when you need it. And as Brene Brown says, let go of shame.

 

 

What are your interesting finds? Which of these resonate with you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation!