What a week it was with a contentious election, rising COVID-19 cases, and so much unrest. To cope, we’ve been doing many things to quiet the stress. How have you been coping? I’ve been teetering between engaging in healthy and not-so-healthy activities. The unhealthy ones have included baking (and eating with some help) a tray of brownies with espresso chocolate chips and making two big pots of macaroni and cheese. On the healthy side, I’ve continued to meditate at least once a day, take walks outside, practice yoga, eat fruits and vegetables, and talk with family and friends. I’ve been on the look for those moments of calm and joy. Even when life is challenging, joy is present.

Last week, one of my good friends and colleagues, Yota Schneider, wrote a wonderful post, On Absorbing Joy. She asks, “What gives you joy?”  I love that question because it puts us in a positive seeking mode. And in case you are stuck, Yota offers many suggestions to seek joy-inducing opportunities, which include “engaging your senses” and “having a good conversation with your loved ones.” 

“Even in the midst of the chaos, joy kept finding me.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

This past week has been a rollercoaster of moods and emotions. Yet even in the midst of the chaos, joy kept finding me. I felt it as I noticed the light gracing a bright red leaf. I experienced joy when . . .

• I giggled and laughed on the phone with my Aunt Bert.

• I listened to the sound of the river lapping against the shore.

• I heard the rustle of the crunchy fall leaves as they fluttered on the tree branches.

• I felt the sun warming my face after many rainy, gray days.

• I received an all purple surprise birthday package and card from an old friend.

• I read two magazines cover-to-cover without any interruptions.

• I saw my mom smile after waking up from a short nap.

• I bit into the freshly baked, very hot, intensely chocolate brownie.

• I visited with family after being apart for over a year.

• I climbed into our cozy bed at night and snuggled next to my husband.

As human beings, we have a tremendous capacity for joy, even during uncertain times. How have you been coping this week? What healthy or not-so-healthy coping strategies did you use? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

As human beings, we can access life’s small things that can bring joy, gratitude, and some normalcy into our lives. And right now, at this moment in time, couldn’t you use a small piece of that? Life feels especially tumultuous with COVID-19 numbers soaring, a presidential election building to a crescendo, countries and regions returning to lockdowns, social, economic, political unrest, a recession, job and housing losses, and an undercurrent of anxiety. We’re resilient humans, but this a lot to live through and process.

A few months ago, my friend shared an article by science journalist Tara Haelle, Your ‘Surge Capacity’ Is Depleted – It’s Why You Feel Awful. It’s a must-read. One of the questions Tara asked spoke to me. I wrote it down to save for a rainy day, and today is that day. Tara asked,

“How do you adjust to an ever-changing situation where the ‘new normal’ is indefinite uncertainty?”

— Tara Haelle

I love her question! How do we adjust when there are so many unknowns? How do we change when our energy is depleted from being in a chronic state of crisis? While I am confident that you will find your way forward despite the uncertainty, Tara offers many suggestions, which include . . .

• Recognizing you’re experiencing loss

• Accepting now that life is different

• Expecting less from yourself

• Focusing on self-care

• Deepening your relationships

• Nurturing your “resilience bank account”

I’m going to add one more, which is honoring a commitment to yourself or someone else. One of the promises I made to myself during the pandemic was to walk every day. Getting outside in nature has been essential for my well-being, mind, and body. Walking may not seem like a big deal, but it took a pandemic for me to turn this into a daily habit. Here’s the thing. I’m not a fan of rain and cold weather. Our New York spring has morphed into summer and now fall. The weather, feeling more wintry, has become a less desirable condition for my walks.

Yesterday was yucky. Yes. I did just use that word. It was cold, damp, and rainy. It was the afternoon, and I hadn’t yet walked. But I made a commitment, right? I opened the front door to investigate the situation and quickly closed it, announcing to my husband that it didn’t look like a good day for a walk. He asked me a simple question, “Don’t you have your purple rain boots?” He didn’t criticize me or make me feel bad for almost going back on my promise. Instead, he gently reminded me that I had the tools I needed.

Steve knows how much I love my purple rubber rain boots. The thought of wearing them motivated me to venture out. I put them on, added a few extra layers for warmth, a rain jacket, gloves, mask, and umbrella. The two of us headed outside in the rain. I loved the sound as the rain tapped on the umbrella. The rubber boots made my feet feel bouncy with each step on the pavement. I appreciated Steve’s company as we talked, walked, and noticed the changing fall landscape.

At that moment in time, surrounded by the rain, there was a feeling of normalcy, some calm within, and a sense of satisfaction that I kept my commitment with some encouragement from Steve.

From one human to another, when normalcy feels elusive, what helps you? What resources from within can you access? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

For over 27 years, I worked with my clients onsite in their homes or offices. In early March, when the pandemic began, I shifted to virtual organizing. One of the things I love about being a professional organizer is helping my clients facilitate change. Every client is unique. Their readiness for change varies greatly, as do their goals, circumstances, strengths, and personalities. Pursuing change can be challenging. It’s not uncommon to get discouraged or feel overwhelmed. I help my clients see possibilities, especially when they are feeling challenged.

Even though I may see a path forward, not all clients are ready to do the work needed for their desired goal. Of course, when they are ready, it’s amazing to watch the process unfold quickly. Some projects and people move more slowly. It is not good or bad. Change takes the time it takes.

You may remember that I started taking yoga classes at Encourage Yoga with Al Bingham about a year ago. The pandemic led him to close his physical studio space. However, fortunately for us, classes continued to be offered on Zoom. I am grateful for the mind and body benefits of regular yoga practice. Besides the body and breathwork, I appreciate the philosophical ideas Al shares about yoga and life. While I rarely have time during class to write down Al’s words of wisdom, I managed to capture one treasure, which I’ll share with you.

“Holding on to the permission to let things change.”

— Al Bingham

Often while organizing, we talk about letting go. I ask, “What are the things in your life that have overstayed their welcome?” or “What are you are ready to release and let go of?”

I love that instead of Al encouraging us to let go, he suggests that we hold on. It’s not about holding onto stuff, but rather holding onto an idea that allows the possibility for change. When we’re pursuing change, we often dig into what we know instead of being open to possibilities. In holding on, we can feel comfortable in the familiar, even if it’s painful or no longer serving us. 

It takes courage to change. And if letting go seems too scary, what if you reframed that idea? Give yourself permission to allow change. In that process, you might just let go. Offer yourself permission to pursue what’s possible.

Visceral change is all around us as we watch the fall leaves turn amazing colors. On my daily walks, I can’t get enough of the reds, greens, yellows, and oranges visible at every bend. This change continues as the leaves die and float to the ground. The trees’ branches become visible and bare. Change is impossible to ignore. As the season cues us for change, let that be your inspiration for embracing possibilities. If you need help seeking the change you desire, let’s schedule a virtual organizing session. I’m ready and available to help you.

What possibilities are you anticipating? What changes do you want? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.

Madison Must Photography

As I sit down to write, thoughts of love, family, and a wedding swirl around my head and heart. Like a dream, I can’t believe that our youngest daughter, Cassie, married Matthew at our home one week ago. They exuded joy and love. We all felt it. By the end of the day, the back of my head ached from smiling so much. It was a good ache. There was so much love, a sense of wonderful possibilities, and hope for the future. Their celebration was a welcome bright spot in the midst of a challenging year.

My husband and I remained in the blissful wedding bubble for as long as we could. At this point, I have mostly returned to regular life. There are still a few flower bouquets reminding me that a wedding really did happen here, and some thank you notes to write. But other than that, my wedding tasks are complete, and the house is back to its pre-party state. What remains is this inner warmth from this significant time, images of tender moments, feelings of calm, and some lessons learned.

7 Lessons Learned from The Mother of the Bride

Communication

Shortly after Cassie and Matthew’s engagement last May, we started discussing the wedding. Right away, I realized we had different ideas and expectations. I recognized the importance of being open, listening, and remaining respectful of their wishes. After all, it was their wedding day. They chose to organize and handle most things and delegated some aspects to others, including me. We supported them in any way we could. Often that meant listening or offering ideas when asked. Keeping the lines of communication open was essential. 

Flexibility

A valuable life skill when making a wedding, especially during a pandemic, is flexibility. Change was the flavor of the day. The kids made plans and, because of the pandemic, had to alter them more than once. They remained flexible, and so did I. I’ll admit that I’m not naturally flexible and continue to work at it. The pandemic influenced a venue change, the wedding’s scope, the vendors, and the number of guests that could attend. Other changes happened that weren’t pandemic-related but required flexibility. Remaining nimble was a great coping strategy for all of us.

Madison Must Photography

Letting Go

As moms, we literally learn to let go from the moment our kids are born. They leave our bodies after being protectively housed for nine months. And that’s just the beginning. As our kids grow, we continue letting go in many ways. It’s useful to exercise those letting go skills when planning a wedding. There are so many things we can’t control. Recognizing that and letting go of control was key for me. It allowed me to worry less and enjoy more. The wedding was outside. Weather is one of the many things we have no control over. Letting go and focusing on the things we have agency over is useful. For example, we ordered a tent with attachable sides, in case it rained. We had control of the tent situation, but not the weather. Luckily, the wedding day was gorgeous. However, the newlyweds’ brunch on the following day was rainy, but the tent sides kept us cozy and dry.

“Letting go and focusing on the things we have agency over is useful.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Planning

A lot of thought and organizing went into the wedding weekend. As I mentioned, Cassie and Matthew did all of the event planning. Their Google spreadsheets were amazing! However, my husband, Steve, and I had our lists too. The key was not waiting until the last minute to do things. In the months leading up to the wedding weekend, we made good use of evenings and weekends to prepare the house, clean, edit, organize, and schedule. There’s nothing quite like having a party to motivate you to get things done. I created a master list with separate projects and tasks in each section. Planning and allocating enough time to complete things made it less stressful. It also enabled me to more fully enjoy the process. I also discovered a fun fact. My daughters and I are all list-makers who prefer using a combination of digital and handwritten lists to get things done.

Madison Must Photography

Being Present

Days before the wedding, Cassie, Matthew, and our oldest daughter, Allison, arrived. What an incredible feeling to have everyone home! We’ve had very few visitors during the pandemic. I don’t remember the last time our kids were home with us for five days. What a treat! I didn’t want to miss anything. There were times when the girls were off in a corner experimenting with hair and makeup, or Matthew and Steve were in the greenhouse setting up equipment for the ceremony. At those moments, I was an observer, sensing family helping family, hearing laughter, and feeling the warmth of our house full of loved ones. At other times, I was in a doing mode. On Cassie’s wedding day, she asked us to put away our phones. She wanted the wedding photographer to be the only one taking pictures so we could be fully present. How wise. What a gift that was! It made me realize how many being present opportunities there were.

“There were many being present opportunities.”

— Linda Samuels, CPO-CD®, CVPO

Leaning In

There were so many emotions- joy, happiness, excitement, and sadness too. It was an intense variety of feelings. I embraced them all. While I was overjoyed that the parents, one set of grandparents, siblings, and a few of the bride and groom’s friends were with us in person on the wedding day, the rest of our family and friends couldn’t be there because of pandemic restrictions.  For those who couldn't attend in person, they watched the ceremony live on Zoom. I won’t lie. I missed the physical presence of my brothers, sisters, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, and friends. It felt so strange to celebrate a major milestone without them. I recognize that I’m not alone. This year, many people have experienced celebrations differently. With acceptance, I leaned into my conflicting emotions- feeling the joy of being together with the people that could attend and the sadness for those that couldn’t. 

Madison Must Photography

Reflecting

When we go through significant life events, it’s important to make time to reflect on our experiences. There were so many memorable moments and feelings that replay in my mind. I know more will continue to appear, but I thought I’d share several with you.

• Hugging our kids after being physically apart for so long.

• Hearing the sweet sounds of talking, giggling, and laughter fill our home.

• Spending time setting up, eating, and walking in the woods with our family and Matthew’s parents and three brothers the day before the wedding. 

• Experiencing the poignancy of painting Cassie’s finger and toenails the night before her wedding day and remembering how I used to paint her nails when she was little.

• Watching Allison dote over Cassie during the wedding weekend, as she helped with her hair and makeup, and anything she needed.

• Seeing my handsome husband all dressed-up as the Father of the Bride.

• Feeling grateful to meet Matthew’s grandparents and have them with us as they watched their first grandchild marry.

• Bursting into tears when moments before we walked Cassie down the aisle, I saw my mother, brother, and sister on Zoom waiting to watch the ceremony. I missed them so, yet felt their love and support.

• Feeling the swell of emotions as Steve and I walked Cassie down the aisle.

• Watching Matthew’s loving expression and tears as he saw Cassie in her wedding dress for the first time.

• During the ceremony, seeing Cassie and Matthew hold hands and stare into each other’s eyes as tears streamed down their faces.

• Feeling grateful for our new, wonderful son.

• Listening to the beautiful, emotional toast Allison gave to Cassie and Matthew on their wedding day.

• Seeing the joy between Steve and Cassie during their father/daughter dance.

• Watching how our beautiful Cassie seemed to float on air the entire day.

• Sitting down on the sofa with Steve after everyone left, feeling exhausted, elated, and amazed at how quickly the time passed.

• Feeling grateful for messages of love, good wishes, and support from our family and friends.

• Realizing that our little girl is all grown up and married.

• Feeling hope and possibilities for Cassie and Matthew for a life filled with love, connection, and family.

Madison Must Photography

We live in challenging times. Yet even in the darkest of days, there is hope. There is love. There are possibilities. These celebratory days with Cassie and Matthew’s marriage affirmed that light, love, hope, and possibilities are present. Have you recently experienced something in your life that has inspired possibilities for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts. I invite you to join the conversation.